If you’re feeling haunted
It was just before Halloween, and I was rowing alone on a river that was new to me in a city I’d moved to six weeks earlier. When I returned from my row, I found a dead body floating near the dock.
I’d been president of my former rowing club and had comforted others who’d come across scenes like this. But this had never happened to me before. And because I was rowing after the boathouse rush was over, there was no one else around.
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Before doing anything else, I prayed. I was being called to help this person who seemed beyond help, but as a Christian Scientist, I knew that the actions I took and my state of thought would be important in setting the tone for what happened next.
Over the next few days, while outwardly I acted normally, I had terrifying nightmares about the person I’d found.
At first, it felt unfair and overwhelming that I had to deal with this situation alone, but then I remembered this line from a favorite poem, “Capacity”: “Because we must, we can” (Peter J. Henniker Heaton, Sentinel, October 14, 1939). The poem talks about how God, divine Love, gives us whatever we need to meet the demands of our day.
I felt a little braver. Then I remembered this verse from a hymn in the Christian Science Hymnal:
I know no life divided,
O Lord of life, from Thee;
In Thee is life provided
For all mankind and me:
I know no death, O Father,
Because I live in Thee;
Thy life it is that frees us
From death eternally.
(Carl J. P. Spitta, tr. Richard Massie, No. 135)
Although this person’s situation seemed hopeless, I realized I could see things from God’s perspective and know that their life was eternal because God is eternal. This settled me, and I was ready to act.
I called the police, who sent a team to the dock in minutes. They were very kind to me and, after taking my contact information, sent me home, sparing me from any more involvement.
But when I got home, I felt so sad for the person I’d found. I picked up the newest issue of the Sentinel. There was a photo inside that showed a sheep that appeared to be listening to something in the distance. The Bible passage accompanying the photo was something Jesus had said: “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand” (John 10:27, 28). It comforted me to know that in spite of the way things appeared, this individual was still fully known by God—and always would be.
Over the next few days, while outwardly I acted normally, I had terrifying nightmares about the person I’d found. In my dreams, they were trying to hurt my family and me. In my waking hours, I didn’t want to row off that dock again. Ever.
My recent move to this new city had left me with free time—time I was taking to read Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy cover to cover. I was paying special attention to how the book was structured. At the time of this incident, I was reading the chapter “Christian Science vs. Spiritualism,” which, to be honest, had never really resonated with me. I’d never believed in evil spirits, haunted houses, or zombies. I didn’t even like Halloween all that much!
But this time, I saw how compelling the suggestion of spiritualism—the belief of communications from the dead—could seem. Did I believe that the person I’d found could haunt me or possess my thought? Um . . . maybe! These nightmares clearly showed me that I needed to think about this chapter more seriously.
I especially appreciated this statement: “In a world of sin and sensuality hastening to a greater development of power, it is wise earnestly to consider whether it is the human mind or the divine Mind which is influencing one” (pp. 82–83).
Wow. What was influencing me? Death? A body? A traumatic experience? Or was it divine Mind, God, who was giving me all my thoughts—and only good ones?
When going back to rowing felt scary, I thought about the good that the sport of rowing had brought to my life.
Right after the spiritualism chapter is a short but powerful chapter titled, “Animal Magnetism Unmasked.” As I considered the structure of the book, these two chapters being placed one after the other meant to me first that there is no communication or influence between the living and the dead. Second, it meant that the notion of there being more than one Mind could be recognized as an impossibility because there is only one God. After studying and learning from these two chapters, I was free from the nightmares, and they have never come back.
When going back to rowing felt scary, I thought about the good that the sport of rowing had brought to my life. In the years I’d been competing, I’d learned lessons on how to more consistently express qualities like persistence, bravery, independence, and love for others. I reasoned that I couldn’t be separated from these qualities or the avenues I’d been given to express them, since both the qualities and the opportunities come from God.
Thanks to these prayers, just a week after finding this person, I felt ready to head back to the boathouse to row by myself. And I rowed fearlessly! I finished my racing season with my new team and have continued to launch off of that dock without fear several times a week for five years.
This experience taught me that no matter how scary an experience may seem, we don’t have to be haunted by it. God not only gives us what we need to move forward, but He also made and keeps us fearless and free.