Finding God again

I was hiking a small mountain near my parents’ house, where I was living at the time. It was my first year out of college, and life at that point felt like an uphill climb. That day I was upset about a rocky exchange with a coworker that had left me questioning my life and whether God even existed.

I’d grown up learning about Christian Science, which teaches that God is good and created everything good. But I couldn’t see how life could be good if bad things were happening. I was upset and losing faith.

As I went down the mountain, I felt bold enough to try a new trail—not unlike the new trail I wanted to blaze for my life and career. While there wasn’t a visible path, there were many blue markers on the trees, and I thought following them would get me where I needed to go.

Those blue markers became less clustered as I went on, and as they thinned out, I would find the next one farther away. Then farther. Then they stopped. I looked around. If only I could retrace my steps … But there was no path.

The sun was going down, and I needed to get back to my car. I remembered a small river I’d passed, and I knew I could follow the river down to the foot of the mountain. But the map I’d seen earlier had shown the river on the opposite side of the mountain from my car. There wouldn’t be enough time to follow it and then circle back to where I had parked. 

First I started to panic. Then I started to pray. It came in the form of pleading: “God, if You’re real, get me out of here!”

AARON CRANFORD — STAFF

I took a few steps, and then an idea came to me that I should “stand on the rock.” There was a boulder just behind me, and while that message was probably about standing on a firm, spiritual foundation, I took it literally and stood on the rock to get my bearings. Interestingly, the Christian Science textbook, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, defines rock spiritually as “spiritual foundation; Truth. Coldness and stubbornness” (p. 593). Definitions like this in the book’s Glossary give the spiritual meaning of many symbols in the Bible, followed by the material or unenlightened view as presented by the five physical senses. 

I was certainly feeling cold and stubborn at the time and could have benefited from a spiritual foundation. And what happened next began to move me from that stubbornness to a more solid sense that God really was there for me. As I stood on that small boulder, I saw a little clearing between the trees. I felt so much joy as I bounded off the rock.

As I walked on and on, however, I started to doubt again. I wondered whether it had just been my imagination. I needed more. I reached out to God again, eyes brimming with tears: “God,” I thought, “if You will show me a clear path, I promise I’ll never doubt You again.” 

I waited for a response, then felt as if someone said, “Keep going. I’ll show you.” 

I was reassured and continued forward. I couldn’t have gone more than a few yards when I saw the forest open up to a huge dirt road. I was in awe! As I followed the road, I thanked God each step of the way—reaching my car before nightfall.

As it turned out, my life after that hike also reached a clearing of sorts. I found a part-time job that was related to my college degree and was able to move to an apartment of my own. I had come to see that standing on the rock meant relying not on the five physical senses but on Spirit—another name for God. I had started to understand that none of the bad comes from God or is the reality of life. Instead, it is Spirit that is present, permanent, and reliable. Spirit gives us spiritual good that is tangible, and even healing, as Jesus himself proved.

It wasn’t that life never again felt like an uphill climb. But I’d found something that helped me to overcome rocky situations and pointed me to the right path. I’d found God again.