“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12). This verse from the Bible, the Fifth Commandment, troubled me for many years, even after my parents passed away. 

Dad worked an hour away and would drive home from a long day’s work of welding or work as a barber and take my sister and me to school activities or take the whole family to see a movie. He was a good provider and a faithful husband to my dear mother. We lived on a small farm that he worked hard to maintain. And yet, when my sister and I were young, our dad had an uncontrollable temper; he would punish us severely with a stick or strap and my mother would never intervene. 

I loved my parents, but this dark cloud of painful memories was always in the back of my mind, even after I was married with children of my own. 

Then, one day I had a breathtaking breakthrough. I was pondering the Commandments and stopped at the Fifth. The Commandment didn’t say to “love” but to “honour” thy father and thy mother. This cast new light on a subject that had felt sad and heavy. 

Looking up honor in dictionaries and in a thesaurus was a wonderful time of soul-searching for me. My thoughts turned completely away from “me” to the gentle, loving, spiritual sense where I was alone with my true Father and Mother, God. God was speaking to me through the ideas I was reading.

When Christ Jesus was confronted with qualities or behavior not belonging to the creator, his Father, he turned to God. Through his crucifixion and resurrection, he taught us all about the concept of forgiveness, and the power of love, and I was well aware of his example. I also knew I wasn’t being asked to honor my dad’s bad behavior in any way. 

But was it possible that I could also now give my dad the notice he deserved as the child of God—to know that his identity was completely spiritual and unmarred by anger? I had not been dignifying my dad as someone that deserved honor, for humanly logical reasons. But I could see now that I could lift him up in my thought, elevate him by honoring him as the child of God. To name some of the dictionary meanings for honoring, I could now “treasure,” “value,” “appreciate,” “give homage to,” and yes, even “love” my dad. 

It was the power of forgiveness, through a deeper understanding of the Christ, Truth, that released the false picture I had held all those years of my dad. I was free! I understood that my dad, made in God’s image and likeness (see Genesis 1:26), was exactly that, God’s image and likeness. My dad could not be separated from perfect God any more than I could be prevented from seeing the true picture of my dad. I found I could forgive my dad, and also my mom for not standing up to him. Jesus said these profound words at the time of his crucifixion: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). 

I am so grateful to be a student of Christian Science, which teaches the unlimited love that Christ Jesus demonstrated for each of us.

There is no doubt that by honoring my parents, I learned what love really means. I know my parents loved me and my sister dearly, and my parents knew I loved them, but now I also honor them in my heart without any reservations. I have let go of those dark memories and instead have replaced them with the correct view of my dad. I wrote this testimony to help others who may have had similar experiences, to assure them this kind of burden can indeed be lifted.

Joan Christine Travis 
Glenmont, New York, US