Article March 21, 2016 Issue

Complete right now

Allison Rose-Sonnesyn

Recently, while I was spending time with a friend, the subject of companionship came up. She said to me, somewhat tongue-in-cheek: “Why do people always tell me I need to feel ‘complete’ before I can find someone to marry? I’m tired of hearing about it. I know I’m complete. So where is Prince Charming?”

I could relate to her complaint. Over many years, I, too, had been told by loving, well-intentioned, and wise individuals that the key to finding companionship was gaining a fuller understanding of my spiritual completeness. Frankly, I already felt pretty complete. I loved God and my church, I was growing spiritually, and I had an exciting and fulfilling job, a nice place to live, and lots of friends. 

Being told I still needed to find completeness felt like an affront or a criticism, as though I wasn’t doing something right. It also wasn’t clear to me what it was that I needed to do to make this completeness happen.

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