A change of heart—for each of us
Lack of self-control. Distracted. Angry. Stubborn. Unable to concentrate. Emotional. The list got longer as the situation with my son got worse, and it looked as though suspensions and a possible expulsion from school were going to be in his future. The school suggested strongly that we seek the help of a psychologist.
My husband and I talked about this situation endlessly with alternating feelings of despair, sadness, and helplessness. We feared that if we didn’t seek a diagnosis then the school could determine that we had not done enough to solve the problem, and they might take some unwanted action. Even worse was the idea that maybe our son was stuck with these traits.
I have always found comfort in turning to the Bible and to Mary Baker Eddy’s Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures when faced with life’s difficulties. This time was no different. I knew there was an answer that left no doubt at all as to the right course of action. To help quiet down my thinking and stay with a pure perspective, I asked a Christian Science practitioner for help.
Quoting from the Bible, the practitioner said, “Peace, be still” (Mark 4:39 ), and went on to explain that deep peaceful thought creates an atmosphere in which the Christ can uncover whatever is hiding the truth from us. Mary Baker Eddy says, “The Science of Mind-healing shows it to be impossible for aught but Mind to testify truly or to exhibit the real status of man” (Science and Health, p. 120 ). The practitioner was helping me see that I could trust God, Mind, for correct information about my son.
I quieted down all the thoughts of fear and mentally reached out for help from God. My best conversations with God often start when I open the Bible. I found myself in the book of Matthew reading the Sermon on the Mount (see chapter 5–7), which is full of promises of God’s ever-presence. When reading the first beatitude, “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (5:3 ), I asked myself if I was truly willing to be “poor in spirit.” Meaning, was I willing to learn life anew from God’s perspective and possess only what God knows about me and my family? Could I be convinced that was enough?
The next thought was this message of love: God’s reflection does not need convincing that it is God’s reflection. This is exactly what I needed to hear because, without realizing it, I had been trying really hard to convince myself and my son that these issues he was having were not really part of his God-given nature. However, I had been doing this with a sinking, fearful heart that kind of hoped it was true rather than with the understanding that nothing else could be true. The beautiful truth of the message I got was that God’s reflection is at one with God and not a single argument is needed for that oneness to be intact. The tendency to argue away the ugly picture of bad behavior and character traits stopped immediately. The heavy thought that these issues my son was having were personally and permanently attached to our family also lifted off.
Following close behind was the certainty that psychological diagnosis was not the best route for us to take since it would be based on human reasoning and not on spiritual reasoning. Science and Health states: “… because of opacity to the true light, human reason dimly reflects and feebly transmits Jesus’ works and words. Truth is a revelation” (p. 117 ). Instead of true light, I sensed that all an evaluation could give me was shadow, a darkened view of what was going on, and wouldn’t focus solely on what was real and good. Another’s mortal assessment, however well-meaning, wasn’t going to help us. What I wanted was light.
Then I realized that in conversations with others about my son, we had spent a lot of time talking about the circumstances surrounding the beginning of his life. Much had been dredged up about problems he’d had early on involving his birth, his heredity, his personality. I realized any doctor might ask for our son’s detailed behavioral history. This startled me into realizing that I had been listening to suggestions from others, and from my own worried thoughts, that seemed so factual, but this information had never, ever, taken into account my child’s oneness with God.
The practitioner reminded me that the false identity doesn't ever need fixing. It needs abandoning.
I read the first beatitude again. The kingdom of heaven was certainly where I wanted to get my information. A divine message came to me this way: “For theirs is the light, intuition, and spiritual knowing.” What stands in the way of this? I wondered. I asked myself if the awful reports I was getting about my son were something I was holding on to more than God. I realized that I could yield to God by silently saying, “I am willing to see what You see, God, and to give up my opinion, my human will, any sense of ownership of a mind other than Yours.” The practitioner I was working with reminded me that the false identity doesn’t ever need fixing. It needs abandoning.
As I continued to pray this way, I found time to spend with my son in which I could provide an atmosphere of pure peace for calm listening. Quiet afternoons at home with no interruptions, peaceful evenings on the patio under the stars, times before bed to read and talk. It became effortless to trust completely that we both reflected the present peace and power of a perfect spiritual source.
My husband and I supported disciplinary action taken at school by following up at home, with our son spending time alone in his room without distraction, but with frequent breaks. During these breaks, we’d encourage him, share ideas, and provide support. Sometimes there were tears as the change of heart occurred for all of us. Our son’s teachers felt the change, too, and began supporting him with peaceful interventions when he got upset, and he was allowed to be a part of a peer support group that helped him communicate his feelings
effectively. I felt his entire being start to calm down. His voice became softer and his humorous, loving nature became more evident. A troubled friendship with another boy that had caused a lot of anger and resentment just fell away. Old issues he struggled with disappeared.
This change in our son and in our family has been lasting. There have still been challenges as he grows up, and he still needs guidance, but the alarming behaviors I listed at the beginning of this article have disappeared. His actions and responses have normalized. His teacher has told me that one of the biggest changes she has seen in our son is genuine remorse when he slips up and makes a mistake. He no longer tries to defend bad behavior or blame someone else.
One thing that I found most encouraging was seeing clearly that a shift of thought is really what makes things happen. It was necessary for me to no longer see a child who had a problem or was a problem. Once I made that mental change, so much love poured into my consciousness that it wiped out any sense of difficulty I had felt previously. Nothing was there to oppose the Christ. It purified the mental atmosphere so thoroughly that my son couldn’t help but respond to this very real love coming from his true Parent, God.
