An energetic, purposeful life restored

My early teenage years were devastated by my parents' divorce. I was thrown into confusion, and because I felt anguish, I became a constant daydreamer. This might seem harmless, but through the years, I became unable to accept what had happened to me. So I began mentally creating a make-believe world, imagining exactly where I wanted to live, even the type of house I would live in, and what I would do during the day.

I was rarely happy. I just dragged through years of dreaming of the future day when I would be happy. But nothing happened. I would rush to work, rush through my day with an anxiety-filled attitude, and then rush home only to go to bed and wait for a better life. Each day was repetitious, unremarkable.

I did not make plans to buy a house or take a vacation, because I was still waiting for my real life to begin. Holding back my present life to try to fix the problems of my past, I was existing only in my thoughts. I became very fearful and felt I needed to control every detail of my life. I knew I needed to change, but I just couldn't.

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September 8, 2003

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