“Mama, Robyn says I have ugly hair,” my five-year-old daughter said laughingly from the back seat of the car. “That’s silly,” I answered as I opened the door for the two girls to jump out and play—and, joyously, they did. 

I sat there in awe of my daughter’s response. There were no hurt feelings or tears; nor did she blame her friend or wonder if maybe her curly hair wasn’t so pretty after all. She knew she had beautiful hair and dismissed the opposite suggestion with a laugh.

This incident, although tiny, hit me like a ton of bricks. For years I had been absorbing negative statements about me rather than rebuffing them. Not only did I tell myself unkind things, but my husband verbally abused me on a regular basis, making me feel sad and inferior. He was a good man in other ways, though, and we had four wonderful children. So, I continually tried to analyze why my husband was furious with me or what I was doing wrong.