HOME wasn't a happy place for me. In fact, my life felt so empty and vulnerable that I turned to alcohol as an escape. By the time I was 13 years old, I was drinking every day. To say my life and thoughts were out of control would be an understatement. Every aspect of my life was a challenge.

When I was growing up, my mom suffered from some form of mental illness, and she rarely wanted to leave the house. Actually, she often lived in the basement for weeks on end. As a result, she and I didn't have a normal relationship—we never went shopping or out to eat together as other kids I knew did with their moms. I also couldn't be involved in after-school activities. I felt I had no choice but to live the same secluded existence she did. And since my stepdad held two jobs, I never saw him, either.

From the outset, alcohol was an all-consuming attraction. I drank in the morning before school and at night, any time I could get away with it. I became accustomed to being drunk—or at least tipsy—all the time.

Soon I began to go out at night with friends and do things that I wasn't proud of. I stole from stores and from cars in parking lots, and had inappropriate relationships. None of this made me feel good, though. Instead, I felt alone and miserable. But despite the severe reactions I had to the alcohol, such as illness and hangovers, being under the influence of alcohol made me feel more sociable and acceptable to my peers, and it seemed to dull the loneliness and inadequacy. Or so I thought.

At 16 I left home, living with different people until I found my own place. But that didn't make a difference either. I didn't respect myself, and few other people respected me. I'd hit rock bottom.

Then, when I was 19, God's unconditional love—shining through people I didn't even know—changed everything.

An older sister had kept me up to date on the family, so I knew that Mom had decided to get help for herself in Christian Science, something she'd known about for years. Ultimately, through prayer, Mom had been healed of her depression and joined a Christian Science church nearby. Out of desperation I called her, though she hadn't been in touch with me, and asked her to take me to church. Thankfully, she agreed.

When I went to church that Sunday with Mom, I'd been at a bar the previous night, and I smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. What surprised me was the way people welcomed me—with big hugs and warm smiles; with kindness, not criticism; with loving acceptance, not ostracism.

Slowly, right there in that church, feeling only love and kindness, I felt my anxiety and self-condemnation begin to melt away. The words "GOD IS LOVE," painted on the wall facing the congregation, stood out to me as a message for everyone. I realized that it was for me, too—that God loved me! I somehow felt wrapped up in His love. And I began to truly listen to the Bible Lesson-Sermon being read from the Christian Science pastor, the Bible and Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy. I understood some of the ideas and hung on to them. But mostly I just felt cared for.

Mom's new understanding of God as Love had changed her temperament completely. She'd gained control over feelings of fear and bitterness; she'd become that loving wife and mom God had made her to be. As I continued attending church with her, my outlook changed, too—from self-centered thinking to a more loving and grateful outlook.

I know now that the acceptance I felt from the members of that church was the love of our Father-Mother, God, who is Love itself. "Love," wrote Mary Baker Eddy, "is impartial and universal in its adaptation and bestowals. It is the open fount which cries, 'Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters' " (Science and Health, p. 13).

Such love sees beyond the picture of an individual struggling with bad decisions, and welcomes that person into a family, congregation, or community. It exemplifies the breakthroughs that are possible when the natural response in every situation is to be caring, generous, and kind—to be moved by divine Love. The love of God doesn't respond to appearance or social standing, or even past history. It simply loves, and therefore naturally sees God's child, the true picture.

Christian Science has since taught me that this love is an expression of the healing Christ that Jesus exemplified throughout his ministry. Jesus led by example, and his works laid the groundwork for generations to come. He loved with the love that truly makes a difference, that wraps us up and comforts our hearts, awakens and frees us from pain of all sorts—including destructive addictions. As Science and Health states, he loved radically: "Jesus beheld in Science the perfect man, who appeared to him where sinning mortal man appears to mortals. In this perfect man the Saviour saw God's own likeness, and this correct view of man healed the sick" (pp. 476–477). This healing Christ is present today.

The love expressed to me that particular Sunday changed me permanently. It broke the hold of an out-of-control feeling, of being vulnerable and unloved. The following quote by Mary Baker Eddy reminds me of that warm reception I received 28 years ago—and at the same time inspires my response to others: "Cleanse every stain from this wanderer's soiled garments, wipe the dust from his feet and the tears from his eyes, that you may behold the real man, the fellow-saint of a holy household" (Retrospection and Introspection, p. 86).

Not only was I able to give up drinking and to experience lasting satisfaction, I also reshaped the way I welcome others into my life. The divine and unconditional love that inspired those kind people that morning belongs to each of us to give without measure. It's the power of God, of the healing Christ that transforms everyone and everything it touches—and truly enables each of us to take control of our own thinking and lives in ways that not only heal ourselves, but others as well. |css