How can I deal with competition?
High school and college had been full of competition. Competing for the top grade, competing in sports. I was used to it, but that didn’t mean I liked it.
Then law school came around. And that was even more competitive. Before I started my first year of school in the fall, a friend recommended a novel that he said would “help prepare me for the cutthroat environment.” Cutthroat? Ugh. Just the thought of it was scary.
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Wanting to be ready, I dove into the book. The problem was, when I finished reading it, I felt even more terrified of an environment centered on ruthless competition and constant striving for top grades. There was no escaping the fact that classes were graded on a strict curve, meaning a limited number of A’s for students to earn, and there would be a limited number of jobs at prestigious law firms once you graduated.
There was still the underlying tension of limited top grades and limited jobs.
Once the year started, I was grateful to discover that my own school fostered a sense of community rather than competition. But there was still the underlying tension of limited top grades and limited jobs. I quickly realized that rather than just leave my time in law school to constant anxiety over grades and the future, I could pray. I’d attended Christian Science Sunday School growing up, and I had prayed about competition in the past. But now it felt like the stakes were higher, so I really dove in.
My prayer came first in the form of a question: Is law school (and the world, really) just a collection of mortals competing with each other for scarce resources? It definitely seems that way a lot of the time. But I knew I had to look deeper, so I asked another question: Or, is there infinite good for all of God’s creation? To me, the answer was clear. If I believed in an all-good God, and I did, then it followed that God ensures a place for all of us. This place isn’t dependent on how good our grades are or other mortal laws related to finite resources or supply and demand.
God’s goodness is infinite and therefore, I reasoned, it’s there for all of us. It’s not something we earn, or take from others, or that others can take from us. It’s freely given—just like the sun impartially gives its light to everyone and everything. God, good, “shines” on us all. Not only is this a beautiful idea to understand, but because it is true, it is expressed in our lives in concrete and meaningful ways, especially when we look for it.
The conviction that God has secured my place, and everyone’s place, took away my fear of exams, grades, or not finding a good job. Of course, I worked hard and did my best throughout law school. But I realized that believing a grade could determine my future actually was an attempt to take power away from God, the true (and only) power in my life. I understood that a God who ensures infinite goodness leads us all, always, toward ways we can be a blessing.
I now know so much more clearly that we are all spiritual, governed by God, good, and each with our own purpose and path to fulfill it.
After that, law school became a much more enjoyable experience, less charged with anxiety and tension. I found myself able to enjoy more of what I was learning, without obsessing so much about grades. I made good friendships, because I didn’t see everyone else as a competitor. Overall, I had such a positive experience, because I felt so clearly that God was in charge of my life and that good was flowing from Him continuously.
In terms of finding a job, I continued to trust that God had established my place and would guide me to it. Second year law students have the opportunity to apply for jobs at large law firms for the following summer. These firms typically hire students with top grades. Although I did not quite have the GPA that seemed necessary for a job at a large firm, I thought I would apply anyway. After completing the interview process, I received an offer for a summer position at one of the large firms.
After praying further about it, though, I realized that a large firm job was not the right fit for me. Instead, that summer I ended up working at a boutique law firm that specialized in the area of law in which I’d hoped to practice. After law school, I had offers for interesting positions and ended up working at a boutique firm representing people I was able to help in ways I found meaningful.
This relatively simple revelation—that God has secured a place for me and everyone—has eliminated my fear that we are all mortals competing for limited resources. I now know so much more clearly that we are all spiritual, governed by God, good, and each with our own purpose and path to fulfill it. And that insight continues to bless my life. It has not always meant following the traditional path, and it has often meant letting go of outlining what I think I want. But this freedom from limitation and competition has helped me to consistently find the right job for each phase of my life, along with many other blessings. I am so grateful to be governed by a God who guides us all to our just-right place in life.