One Thursday evening last March, as I was driving to an airport to pick up my adult stepson, I noticed a tightening in my neck. I did not think much about it at the time, but the next morning I could not move my neck at all, and swallowing was painful.

I called a Christian Science practitioner and began to pray. I considered what it means to have a stiff neck. One definition of the word stiff stood out to me: “incapable of or highly resistant to bending.” Some synonyms are inflexible, rigid, and unyielding, and near antonyms include elastic, resilient, and workable (merriam-webster.com/thesaurus). I asked myself if I was I becoming stiff-necked—mentally inflexible and rigidly insistent on carrying a false sense of personal responsibility regarding what I thought needed to be done in church or family. I realized that I did, indeed, need to overcome willfulness and a sense of burden.

I was doing a lot for family, while also serving as First Reader in my branch Church of Christ, Scientist, which was holding both in-person and online services. Several church members had even referred to me as a pillar of the church. What is a pillar? Stiff! I realized that I had taken on too much responsibility for our small church, and that I needed to let go of ego and any sense of personal burden. I remembered learning that it is a form of false theology to believe that anyone could feel worn out or fatigued as a result of working in the service of God.