When I was a young mother with two little girls and my...

When I was a young mother with two little girls and my husband and I were beginning adoption procedures for a third child, I should have been happy. Instead I was fearful, nervous, depressed, and hyperventilating many times a day.

Now, it had been a long time since I had relied on God for anything, even though I had been taught to do just that as a pupil in a Christian Science Sunday School. These days I went to doctors and found it very easy to take medicine and ignore God completely. My family physician, upon diagnosing the symptoms, was sure that barbiturates would cure me. I faithfully took several a day.

Months later I returned to the physician with the same symptoms. An added complaint was that I felt like sleeping all the time. The new prescription was to be barbiturates and amphetamines. Again I faithfully took them. Only now, I washed them down with alcohol, adding one more drug to my list. I was not getting better. Often I thought I would lose my mind, and several times I considered suicide. At one point, after several days of severe mental confusion, I felt I should admit myself to a mental ward of our local hospital.

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January 1, 1991

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