Popular culture depicts the “friend zone” as a pitiful, empty place. One dictionary defines it as “a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic … interest in the other” (OxfordDictionaries.com). This isn’t a new concept. Think Shakespeare or a dramatic novel. It has also been referred to as “unrequited love” or “lovesickness.” In an experience a few years ago, I discovered that, even in the midst of heartbreak, God is still caring for and loving those who find themselves in the friend zone.

It all started when I was getting to know a new group of friends. One of those new friends was a man who had lots in common with me, including a love of discussing deep ideas and spiritual concepts. Within a few months, we grew very close, and I began to feel that I wanted to be more than “just friends.” During one especially great conversation, I heard a voice deep down inside me say, “This is it.” I had been longing for a romantic relationship, and this one seemed just right.

What I’ve found most helpful in confronting confusing, bitter, or disappointing times in my life is prayer. 

But the voice deep down in my friend was saying something different. As we talked, it was apparent he wanted to remain “just friends.” Based on what I had seen in movies and TV shows, I thought I should be bitter and disappointed at this unrequited love. The problem with that reasoning was, we did care about each other. We both recognized this caring as originating in God, our all-loving creator. So, I knew this kind of love we both felt was completely genuine; it just wasn’t the romantic love I thought I wanted.

Shortly after finding out I was in the “friend zone,” my friend moved across the country, and with him moved my motivation to resolve these feelings of unrequited romantic love. We talked intermittently, but my confusion about our relationship lay dormant.

A few months later, I decided to visit my friend. We had a wonderful time together as “just friends,” but those romantic feelings I was having came roaring back. Once again I was feeling confused and frustrated.

What I’ve found most helpful in confronting confusing, bitter, or disappointing times in my life is prayer. During the week following my trip, I earnestly prayed for clarity about this relationship. As I prayed, I discovered that lurking in the back of my consciousness was a wistful hope that, one day, my friend would wake up and realize he had romantic feelings for me. Until then, something would be missing from my life.

These thoughts, though, were inconsistent with what I had been learning about God. In the Bible, I read, “For in him we live, and move, and have our being” (Acts 17:28). This meant there wasn’t a place I could be where God wasn’t already taking care of me and giving me everything I needed. My being was not dependent on being in a romantic relationship; rather, as part of God’s creation, I express God, and so I have always been complete, whole, and loved.

I also read this in the Christian Science textbook, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy: “The depth, breadth, height, might, majesty, and glory of infinite Love fill all space. That is enough!” (p. 520). There aren’t many exclamation marks in Science and Health, so this one caught my eye. It emphatically silenced the thought that I could be lacking love.

During this time, one day I arrived early to an appointment. During the few minutes of waiting time, I turned to my Father-Mother God in prayer, not thinking about anything specifically, but just feeling divine Love surrounding, embracing, and caring for Her entire creation. Suddenly, a question popped into thought: “Is this right?” I recognized it as referring to the mixed and unsettled feelings I had toward my friend. And, quickly following the question, was a resounding answer: “No!”

A feeling of relief swept through me—and a bit of surprise. I wasn’t at all disappointed! I realized the “no” meant, “No, this is not the right way to think. There is nothing missing from your life; nothing missing from your real being as God’s child.”

In that instant, it felt as if my eyes were opened. I began appreciating the relationship with my friend just as it was. This fresh perspective quickly bore beautiful fruit. The friendship blossomed, free from any awkwardness or lingering wistful feelings. All that remained was gratitude for the simple, precious, God-derived love between friends.