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From mourning to morning

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At one time, I was in the midst of mourning many things—the passing of my husband, my father, and also, because of the economy, a loss of funds. Often I woke up in the middle of the night, struggling to feel any sense of dominion, peace, or clarity. The nights were very dark, like the darkness of my thoughts. 

Whenever my fears overwhelmed me, I would pray to God and ask for help. One night, during a prayerful time, out of the darkness I heard a bird singing. “What a funny little bird,” I thought, “singing in the dark. That bird is not afraid in the dark; he’s singing.” Although I had lived in that house for about three years, I had never heard that bird before. The bird came and sang three nights in a row, and then I never heard the bird again.

The bird’s midnight serenades helped remind me to wake up and sing. I needed to sing hymns of praise and replace dark thoughts with gratitude—and constantly to affirm God’s ever-presence. Gradually, this helped me overcome feelings of grief and loss.

Daily, I filled my consciousness with gratitude and spiritual inspiration, which I gained from my study of the Bible, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, and the Christian Science Hymnal. Several days a week I studied in a local Christian Science Reading Room, and I also took time to study at home. Every day, following my study time, I felt renewed, stronger in my understanding of God and my identity as His beloved idea. It became clearer to me that God is the source of my supply, and that I am always the idea of God, Life. This helped me to be instant in silencing the aggressive suggestions of lack and loss. I also found that I started looking for ways to help others, rather than focusing merely on myself. Before long, I was truly singing and rejoicing.

This awakening to light reminds me of a Bible passage that reads, “Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it” (Malachi 3:10). For me, bringing “tithes into the storehouse” meant bringing more gratitude and spiritual inspiration into my consciousness. 

The result of all this gratitude and spiritual study was God “[pouring] out a blessing.” My life was filled with beauty, love, opportunity, supply, and purpose. I relocated near a Christian Science church, which had been a loving church home to me earlier in my life. I found a job that was just right for me. And, four years later, I married a wonderful man and moved to his ranch, where I could literally walk in “green pastures … which yet I [had] not seen” (Anna L. Waring, Christian Science Hymnal, No. 148).

This renewal took place about 12 years ago, and I continue to be blessed by God’s gracious love, surrounding me and filling my days with boundless good.

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