When you look in the mirror, can you honestly say that you love yourself? Can you see the reflection and say that you don’t see anything you don’t like? Well I couldn’t. 

Since I was young and started worrying about how I presented myself, the issue of image continually resided in my head. We all know how cosmetics and clothes ads display the “perfect image,” and since I loved looking through style magazines, I was well aware of that image. To me, every other girl was so much prettier, skinnier, and just plain better. I remember looking in the mirror and feeling horrible about myself. I wasn’t the most popular girl, and to be honest, I wasn’t the weight I wanted to be. 

To make things worse, I was self-conscious and sensitive so any small comment could affect me. Not only did I not like my image, but I hated who I was. I was shy and never liked to take risks. I always did the things that I knew I could do instead of pushing myself to step out of my comfort zone. To fix these imperfections, I tried different exercise routines, learned how to use makeup, pretended to be like everyone else—anything I could do. I was tired of who I was and just wanted to be like everyone else.

To say the truth, these fixes actually changed what was seen on the surface; for example, I looked prettier, and I had lost a few extra pounds. Yet on the inside, I still despised who I was. I looked in the mirror and said, “Ugh, I have a big nose. My lips are too big. I’m not as skinny as everyone else. I wish my hair could look great without doing anything to it . . . .” 

It wasn’t until mid junior year in high school when I saw things clearly for the first time. After complaining to a friend of mine about how I looked and how much I hated who I was, she finally said, “Stop!” She told me, “Ashley, you are beautiful and it bugs me how you can’t see that.” After talking to her for a few more minutes, I finally got what she was trying to say. 

In the Christian Science Sunday School, I have always heard, “You are God’s image, therefore you are perfect,” but it never really stuck. In the Bible, it states that “God created man in his own image” (Gen. 1:27). I believe that God is perfect, and therefore there is no room for imperfection. If I am made in His likeness, that means that I, too, have no imperfections. I am completely perfect. But since God isn’t a man in the sky, I am not the child of matter, or flesh, or bones. God is divine Spirit and Love, so I am spiritual and perfect, and not trying to get to some kind of human perfection. I had gotten so used to seeing myself as material, that I lost sight of who I really was. I am a child of God. 

If we were all the same, life would be boring and monotone. It’s your individuality that makes people love you and want to get to know you.

At the summer camp for Christian Scientists I go to, I’ve heard people say that taking the Lord’s name in vain is not just saying “Oh, my God.” There are other ways that we do this without realizing it. God says, “I AM THAT I AM” (Ex. 3:14). God has made “I AM” a name, so saying “I am” ugly, I am insecure, I am not confident . . . is like saying that God is all those things, too. If there is one thing I learned from my many years in Sunday school, it’s that God is not and never will be those things. So if we are God’s reflection, how could I make those accusations about myself? 

Another little revelation that I caught onto was that, yes, I am different from others. But that’s what makes me Ashley. That’s what makes me who I am. If we were all the same, life would be boring and monotone. It’s not your material body that makes who you are, it’s your individuality that makes people love you and want to get to know you. I could meet the prettiest or most handsome person in the world, but it’s how they treat others and what qualities they express that keeps me interested.

Also, God made us all the way we are. Unique from each other. What I tend to think about is that if God made me unique, I’m going to express every single bit of it, because it’s my own way of expressing divine Soul. When I express Soul, nothing stops me. All insecurities fade away because I know that I am expressing God, and God has no insecurities or confidence issues. God is perfect.

After my change in thought, I immediately started to feel different. From what started with a conversation with a friend, and what later escalated to a weeklong puzzle of piecing together buried knowledge, I could finally look in the mirror and smile. 

I was happier and nicer than I had ever been. All that hatred toward myself had just been bringing me down. Once I finally got rid of it, my life was ten times better. I made even more friends than I had before, and finally smiled without faking it. I was more confident and did things I never thought I could, like join the track team and talk to new people I would have otherwise walked past. This school year, I’m even going to try something I would never have had the guts to do, which is to run for class treasurer. 

There is a saying that most everyone knows. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Once I finally saw this, and realized that I love who I am, other people saw it, too. I started to get comments that made me feel great. One of my favorites was when someone told me that I actually stood out to them. After all this, I finally became aware of the real, “perfect image.” I see things in a new way now. The things that make us different from one another—that’s real beauty. It’s what makes us uniquely who we are. If we all are God’s image and likeness, then everything you are as that image is perfect. Sometimes, you just need to step back a little and take time to see it.