MARRIAGE—WHAT UNITES AND WHAT DIVIDES?

MOST PEOPLE WOULD AGREE that a good marriage takes work. A quick Google search on the topic brings up many sites that offer advice for the engaged and newlyweds, as well as the seasoned married couple. These sites seem to share one common theme: Sticking together and making your marriage work isn't always a cakewalk. One online poll posed the question, "Would you marry your spouse again?" Out of over 4,000 responders, 45 percent answered "no," while 35 percent said "yes" and the other 18 percent were undecided with a mere I percent already remarried to their spouse. Perhaps this points to why nearly half of those saying "I do" today—with the United States leading the pack—end their unions in divorce.

The founder of this magazine was herself married three times. Mary Baker Eddy endured the loss of her first husband to illness, the adultery and desertion of her second, and in later life experienced the strong and supportive partnership of her third. One can only surmise that through these experiences, she gained firsthand wisdom on the topic. In answer to the question, "What do you think of marriage?" she responded: "That it is often convenient, sometimes pleasant, and occasionally a love affair. Marriage is susceptible of many definitions. It sometimes presents the most wretched condition of human existence." And then she went on to state the ideal for marriage, that "to be normal, it must be a union of the affections that tends to lift mortals higher" (Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, p. 52).

What is it that unites the affections and lifts one higher? You could say that the answer to this question describes the very purpose of the Sentinel itself—to lift hearts and lives higher so that healing and transformation can take place. When God, whom we can think of as divine Love, anchors one's life and affections, spiritual growth naturally follows, and our lives bless the world and those we meet. Marriage is one important place that tests the proof of this affection. It demands the practice of such basic Christian principles as loving another as yourself, maintaining a singleness of heart, offering to your partner an unselfish devotion and pure affection. Mrs. Eddy, in a chapter devoted to Marriage in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, observed, "There should be the most tender solicitude for each other's happiness, and mutual attention and approbation should wait on all the years of married life" (p. 59).

When a marriage is undermined by conflict, infidelity, incompatibility, divorce often looks like the only escape route. When a spouse is physically or mentally abusive, a marriage may seem beyond repair. But no one need fall victim to the lie that he or she is ever separated from the one divine Parent—the one divine relationship that really stands above all others. The relationship between Love and Love's idea can never actually be torn apart, victimized, or destroyed.

There are other "underminers" that can creep into marriage and threaten the healthy affection between two partners. Among them, jealousy, greed, and a "me-first" attitude. Disagreement over money is said to be the top reason for divorce, followed by infidelity, poor communication, differences over how to raise children, and sexual troubles.

Amid all that divisiveness, there's a hunger for something beyond even the best human counsel, for something that can connect and satisfy hearts at a deeper level—that can give new meaning and fresh unity to the marriage relationship. This something is called spiritual love. One of its purest expressions in the human language, found in the 13th chapter of First Corinthians, ranks high among Bible passages quoted at wedding ceremonies. The Message translation of this passage serves as kind of a recipe for love that lasts, as well as for love's renewal:

Love never gives up
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

NO ONE NEED FALL VICTIM TO THE LIE THAT HE OR SHE IS EVER SEPARATED FROM THE ONE DIVINE PARENT—THE ONE DIVINE RELATIONSHIP THAT REALLY STANDS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.

The love that "keeps going to the end" may not be easy to live consistently, or to give when the going gets tough. But each effort to express such a love within a marriage promotes the very thing humanity yearns for—lasting peace. |css

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January 14, 2008

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