I walked into a Christian Science church for the first time last year at Easter, to hear my daughter sing the solo there. I was feeling emotionally fragile because of yet another health crisis. While there, I ran into a woman I had known years ago, when our daughters were in Girl Scouts. She handed me the Christian Science Quarterly, which contained the Bible Lesson for the week, titled "Are Sin, Disease, and Death Real?" I just smiled hazily and went to take a seat. All I knew was that disease was all too real to me!

The service began, and so did my judgments. We sang a hymn that seemed old-fashioned. Where were the choir and band? I wondered. And where was the minister? They had to have a minister. Instead, there were two Readers. Then the readings from the Bible and a book I wasn't familiar with called Science and Health began. I had heard of Mary Baker Eddy, but knew nothing of her teachings. I understood very little of what was read that Sunday. And it was all I could do to stay in my seat. I'm quite sure that if my daughter hadn't been singing, I would have gotten up and left. Afterward, as I was getting into the car with my daughter, I told her that even though I knew she was singing the following week, I didn't think I would attend another one of the services.

A few days later, I was driving by the church with a friend. "Aren't these the folks who don't usually go to doctors; who rely on God for healing?" she asked. Immediately my interest was piqued. I remembered the Reader mentioning a Wednesday night testimony meeting. I decided to go. And to my surprise, I was very moved by the testimonies that were given.

After the service, I tearfully shared with the woman I'd become reacquainted with earlier a little of what was going on in my life. She handed me a copy of Science and Health, and as she walked away, her words trailed back to me: "Start acting like you're whole, because you are." Hmmmm ... no room for self-pity here.

So, I went home and started reading. But it wasn't easy. I'd read a page or two, and then I'd have to put the book down, sometimes for several days. I struggled with the verbiage, especially the word sin. Even though I was beginning to understand the metaphysical definition of sin as error in thought, that word still carried a lot of baggage for me. I think I kept reading, at first, out of desperation. I knew that things weren't working in my life, and I yearned for some sort of direction from God.

When I found Christian Science, or perhaps more aptly, it found me, it had been at least four years since my last church experience. I had abandoned my childhood church at 19, and spent the next 20 years telling anyone who was interested that I didn't believe in God. I would roll my eyes and leave the room when anyone would even say the word.

Around the age of 40—in the middle of another health crisis—I attempted to pray a little, even though I wasn't sure whom or what I was praying to. This began my journey of spiritual exploration. I spent the next ten years meditating, chanting, and repeating affirmations, as advised by different teachers of spirituality. I went from one religious tradition to another, but never stayed anywhere very long. Sometimes I believed I felt God, but mostly I continued to feel lost, as if I hadn't quite found my place yet.

I wish I could tell you what page I was on in Science and Health when the first faint light of understanding began to flicker. Although I didn't comprehend everything I was reading, it didn't matter. The truth—that I wasn't even aware I had been looking for—began to unfold in my consciousness and eventually sprouted a new awareness of what life really is. Mary Baker Eddy's teachings, radical even by today's standards, made perfect sense to me.

I began spending my days in prayer and study. I became a fixture at the local Christian Science Reading Room. I was a woman who finally saw a way out of her suffering. Learning about God and my relationship to Him, I was elevating my thought. I began to see myself as God had always seen me—perfect and whole. As the weeks turned into months, the health crisis gradually dissolved. My fears gave way to the Love that I had come to know as God.

I know now that God had never left my side, even during those years when I forgot She existed.

I didn't immediately fall in love with the church services. While I did enjoy the testimony meetings, appreciating the Sunday service was a bit of a challenge for a while. Slowly, though, I began to appreciate the simplicity of the service. I realized I was not in church to be entertained, but to feel closer to God. As for the hymns, they just didn't quite resonate until I received a CD of hymns with contemporary accompaniment. Now I have to smile when I find myself singing a couple of my favorites as I go about my day. I especially like these stanzas from a hymn, which really sum up my transformation during this first year of studying Christian Science:

Words cannot even begin to express my gratitude to Mary Baker Eddy and Christian Science. I don't think I would be alive today without these beautiful teachings. I recently applied for membership with The Mother Church. This is a first for me. I know I have finally come home.

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