One morning out of the blue, my husband of ten years announced that he was leaving. He said that he no longer wanted to be married to me.

During almost all of my marriage, I had attended Al-Anon, a 12-step support group for families and friends of alcoholics, where members share "experience, strength, and hope." I often went to meetings when things were rocky at home. But now I threw myself into the program as if I were drowning and this was my only hope for survival. I started attending meetings three to five times a week, valuing the encouragement and sense of community they gave me, and I continued to be a member over the next 15 years.

It was during this time that I first became acquainted with Christian Science. A friend gave me a copy of Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy. I was interested in the ideas I was reading, but it was a gradual immersion. In retrospect, I feel that my life up to that point prepared me both to find and eventually to accept the truths of this religion. In the Al-Anon program, a member chooses a sponsor to confide in, and while I didn't realize it at the time, the common denominator of each mentor I chose was that she would quote Scripture or talk to me about God. This enabled me to continue working and to function from day to day. Later, a statement from Science and Health described for me what had been taking place in my thought: "To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, to-day is big with blessings" (p. vii).

While still continuing to attend the Al-Anon meetings, I found one Saturday night gathering particularly memorable. We had assembled in the auditorium of our regular venue. In front of a large crowd, one of the participants got up — as she did each week — and shouted out one of the Al-Anon slogans, "Listen for love." She then explained how she had been waiting for what seemed a lifetime for her husband to say, "I love you." He never had, and by now this participant was a grandmother many times over. She said that since coming to the meetings, however, she had started to pay attention when her husband would say something like, "Don't forget to take your umbrella with you," or, "Would you like for me to pick up anything you need on my way home?" or just, "Take care today." Even though she never heard those "three little words," it dawned on her that she was hearing the love behind what her husband was saying.

The idea of "listening for love" had begun to take hold in my own outlook, and was teaching me that we don't always receive love in the way we might outline. I was grateful to be learning this lesson, one that the study of Christian Science would later deepen into something even more profound.

My commitment to Christian Science had begun to accelerate. I stopped attending the Al-Anon meetings, as I learned how to rely more fully on my divine source for comfort, self-worth, and purpose. I became a member of a branch Church of Christ, Scientist, and of The Mother Church, and took Primary class instruction. Now I was not only discovering more of the love expressed by my fellow man, but I was listening for Love — God's voice, direction, and care.

One of the many blessings — both small and large — that I've experienced through this spiritual reliance occurred last Thanksgiving. My plan was to spend the holiday with my brother. The year before, our father had passed on, and I had just expected that my brother and I would spend the day together. But try as I might, it just wasn't happening. My brother didn't return my phone calls, and when I did reach him, he was evasive about making definite plans.

During one of these calls, however, he thanked me profusely for a brownie cake I had recently made for him. He said it was the best he'd ever tasted. I heard the love, but it did not cancel the rejection I was feeling. What I wanted were mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie — with my brother!

On Thanksgiving Day, overcome with hurt feelings, and aware that my human will had not worked out, I decided to pray about the situation. I reached out to God, the all-knowing, all-hearing, divine Mind. Immediately, what I heard, louder than any residual emotional distress, was the angel message to grab the phone and accept the holiday invitation a friend had extended weeks before. I felt a mental release — from my own selfwill and from the obligation I'd imposed on my brother. Later that day, I happily went to my friend's home and had a beautiful celebration with friends — both old and new.

Even more valued than the gift of a wonderful holiday was the deepened trust I gained through yielding wholeheartedly to God's will — and finding that in doing this, I could never be deprived of anything good. No longer feeling sorry for myself, no longer trying to "guilt trip" my brother into going along with what I wanted, I felt God's love and His control of my life. I saw that His will for me was better than anything I could ever plan.

A passage in the Bible from Isaiah summed up what I had learned: "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (55:9). This truth continues to bless me in countless ways.

BEVERLY HOGAN
DELRAY BEACH, FLORIDA