EARLIER THIS YEAR, the international magazine The Herald of Christian Science published a series of articles that examined the topic of justice from different angles. The following interview, which was part of this series, features Heidi Fendler of Frankfurt, Germany. She spoke with Josette Flamand, Managing Editor of the French magazine Le Heraut de la Christian Science. Heidi is a judge in juvenile court. She is also a person of shorter-than-average height.

Heidi, those who know you readily say that you are the very picture of joy. Nevertheless, you might have reasons to find life unjust because you were born "different from others." Are you ever envious when you see people doing ordinary things so easily—things that for you require so much effort (and often lots of ingenuity)?

Yes, of course there are things that are harder for me than for others, or that I simply have to arrange differently. For example, when I go shopping, I can't reach the upper shelves. But then I just ask someone to help me, and thank them.

I've arranged my daily life so that pretty much everything works out well. When I think about it, not too many things occur to me that are different for me than for other people—at least, it doesn't seem so to me. Sure, there is the fact, for example, that we've arranged the kitchen cupboards in such a way that all the things we need on a daily basis, such as cups, plates, glasses, pots, etc., are lower down in the cabinets.

But what do you do to keep up such apparent joy in living?

A from Psalms that has often helped me is: "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well" (Ps. 139:14). In Sunday School I learned that there is a difference between what "my eyes see" and what "my soul knoweth."

But everything got a lot simpler when I grasped that I could not explain away everything in my life that I didn't like by the fact that I'm shorter than "normal." Then I stopped feeling so helpless and at the mercy of fate. I began to realize that there were many reasons why things in my life were different from the way I wanted them to be. And that those reasons didn't affect only me but a lot of other people, too.

At the same time I noticed that I was able to do things that others couldn't do as well. For example, learning was always pretty easy for me, and I never really had any problems in school or at the university. It has also always been easy for me to approach other people and get into conversation with them, something that's very necessary in my profession.

It's very important to me that I have learned to rejoice in others' abilities without feeling envious. The more I learned that, the more satisfied and happy I've been, and I discover new things that I can do well. It's fun, too, to help others discover what they can do well.

How do you see yourself now?

Mary Baker Eddy wrote in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, in answer to the question, "What is man?" that "man is not matter; he is not made up of brain, blood, bones, and other material elements. The Scriptures inform us that man is made in the image and likeness of God. Matter is not that likeness. The likeness of Spirit cannot be so unlike Spirit. Man is spiritual and perfect; and because he is spiritual and perfect, he must be so understood in Christian Science. Man is idea, the image, of Love; he is not physique" (p. 475). I began not to look at the body anymore, but to look for qualities in myself that come from God. I did this not only in relation to myself but also to everyone around me. And so I found wonderful qualities in me as well as in others, such as openness, joy, love, intelligence, patience, creativity, equanimity, a sense of justice, humor, and spontaneity.

Were you always this happy?

The more I thought about God and prayer, the more I realized the role joy plays in prayer and also what joy really is. In First Thessalonians, it says to pray without ceasing and to rejoice always (see 5:16, 17). At first thought, God demands an awful lot of us. I thought it was a worthy goal to be always happy, but pretty tough to do. But to pray all the time—now that was a real challenge. Honestly, it seemed to be a bit boring and not very desirable.

But the more I thought about that passage, the more natural the demands God places on us became to me. I noticed that joy is not only a demand God makes on us, but it also involves a promise that we can always be cheerful and can always pray.

Today, prayer is more to me than a specific point in the day when I turn to God. A specific time is part of it. But that's just one aspect. Acknowledging God's will and then living in accordance with it—acting in harmony with Him—is much more what prayer means to me today. And this is something that one can always do, to live in harmony with God.

It's easy now for me to be happy because I know that God gives me the joy I feel. This is something I understand better and better. There's so much you can be happy about. You only have to find it and also be willing to rejoice.

It's often easy to think, Now if I only didn't have to work anymore and could go to the beach with friends, then I'd be happy automatically. Then everything would be OK. But it's not that simple. I have actually found myself doing precisely what I thought would be fun, only to find it turned out to be merely nice, or wound up being no fun at all. But then I've been in situations where I was very happy even though there really wasn't any outer cause for it.

My happiness is no longer dependent on persons or circumstances. In Principle—in God—I can always rejoice. Naturally, I am glad when I'm with others, too, but I don't expect the joy to come from them, and I am aware that God created everyone. Through this relationship to God, it's possible to find joy with everyone.

I learned a big lesson from a little child. It was during a period when I had to study a lot for my exams but really was not at all in the mood for it. I observed a baby who was totally happy because he could crawl and open a door to get through. He sat on the floor, swung the door back and forth, and laughed and was a picture of joy, having once again just learned something new. And I realized that I could be happy at learning so many new things. I had decided to study law, and I was happy for the opportunity to study and became a judge. From then on I consciously studied with joy and wasn't irritable anymore, but instead grateful that I was permitted to study. The outward situation hadn't changed, and I still had to study a lot for the exam. But my attitude toward it was now a different one.

So I try more and more to do everything with joy. I'm not always successful at that, and sometimes I get annoyed or unenthusiastic. But by now I've learned that it's a God-given right to be happy, and I claim this right for myself, just the way I know my other rights and claim them.

But do you sometimes encounter prejudice? How do you deal with other peoples' reactions?

Sometimes it happens that someone who doesn't know me, let's say at a party, asks what my profession is, and is then astonished to find I'm a judge. Usually it's a combination of amazement and respect. Most people have a different image of a judge. By now I've learned to laugh and say, "Yeah, sure I'm a judge, and I can hold hearings, talk with people, read cases, and pass judgements just like others." Then usually they laugh with me.

Of course, I know that anyone who sees me for the first time wonders a bit. That doesn't bother me. I try just to act normally and give everyone around me the feeling that they can treat me normally. I also know that almost everyone who brings a case to court and appears in front of me is amazed, whether it's the lawyers or the parties themselves. But since I start right in with the proceedings and talking about the case, they quickly realize that I know my work like anyone else. And then they have to get busy and don't have any time left to wonder:

But I've had to deal with quite a different kind of prejudice. Prejudice I had against myself—things I thought I couldn't do. I had to overcome those limitations that made me envious of others, because I thought, They can do this and I can't. For example, dancing, hiking, or being a camp counselor.

You were a camp counselor?

Yes. It happened like this. A few years ago a friend called me and asked if I could substitute for her at a summer camp. We agreed that I had a few days to think about it. I prayed and felt very happy. Because of the enthusiasm I felt, I agreed to do it, without imagining what it would involve.

I knew that this joy was the best starting point. Everything else would become clear. And it did, too. The time that I spent with the kids and the other counselors was a wonderful time, and I continued to feel this connection with God. The joy I felt at the outset lasted during the whole vacation. When problems came up, we were always able to solve them—with God's help.

Children often see me, come up to me, and ask simply, "Why are you so small?" At first I used to try giving them long, complicated explanations. But then I got in the habit of answering, "Because I stopped growing." And really, the kids are always satisfied by that short, simple answer. Sometimes they even find it practical that they don't have to look up so far to talk with an adult.

One of the children at camp one day said, after a few days, "You know, I really often forget that you're smaller." I was happy to hear those words. That's just what I'd really like—that the people around me treat me normally.

So you don't find life at all unjust?

I'm happy and I enjoy my life as it now is. I'm grateful to God for a loving family, many friends, and a fulfilling profession. This does not mean that I don't have ideas about how things could still change. But by now I've learned that you are allowed to tell God your wishes while still being satisfied with what you have.

It's very helpful to think about everything you have, everything you can be grateful for. And that's usually quite a lot.