A HOCKEY DAD'S PRAYERS

David Els

From the fourth grade on, I loved contact sports, particularly football. I was also very fortunate to have coaches who taught the importance of the mental preparation for the game and the effect of this preparation on its outcome—not necessarily on the score, but on the quality of the experience.

One important life-lesson for me was that any attempt to get psyched up to a mental state of intensity and aggression before the game actually resulted in weakening my performance instead of enhancing it.

Years later when we moved to the small New England community of Amesbury, Massachusetts, our son, then seven, started playing organized hockey. Soon after, I was asked to serve on the town's hockey board, overseeing youth hockey teams from ages 5 to 14. Since I had never played hockey and had just moved to town, I was quite surprised. After attending my first meeting, it was clear to me (if not to the other board members) that my primary role was to serve as a mediator and peacemaker.

Hockey was taken very seriously at all levels, and the board meetings often involved protracted arguments over the coaches' performance, evaluation of team play, and complaints about referees. Before each meeting, I prayed to resolve the bitter disputes, and on one occasion I had to step between two fathers before their argument became physical.

As Japhet continued to play through middle and high school, the intensity on the ice noticeably increased. I found that the attitude of parents and spectators—what they were thinking before a game, as much as what they did or said during it—contributed to a game's slide into anger and retaliation, to the players exchanging one illegal hit for another. After a game like that, even when the score was in our favor, there was often an unsatisfied feeling that hung in the air.

Gradually, I realized my role in the stands was more than just a father shouting encouragement to his son. Before and during each game, I prayed to see each of these children (on both teams) as being responsive to God, who is Love. To see this expressed in their love for a sport with the qualities of speed and grace, and in their ability to achieve contact without offense. I prayed for the protection of each child and to free all of us, parents and spectators, from the emotional roller coaster of aggression and fear.

I often thought about something Mary Baker Eddy wrote, which had helped me when I was playing football: "That animal natures give force to character is egregious nonsense—a flat departure from Jesus' practice and proof" (Message to The Mother Church for 1901, p.19).

During the most tightly contested games each year—often against arch-rivals—I found I first had to control my own feelings of anger or retaliation (my own emotional barometer) before I could be helpful to the team and to other parents. This Bible passage from Proverbs continues to be a guide: "He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city" (16:32).

David Els
South Burlington, Vermont

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