"If you're black, without a degree, coming out of the inner city, you won't get very far." Lorita B. Williams remembers well all those stereotypes placed on her. Her career, however, has ended up paralleling her spiritual development. Through spiritual growth, Lorita says, she has "torn down all those barriers." Her first step out of the unskilled labor force was as a computer data entry worker. Today she is a global program director for a major computer company, an international assignment. In the following interview, Lorita talks with the Sentinel about what enabled her to break through limiting perceptions about her identity.

Lorita, you've gone quite a distance since you were a sixteen-year-old living alone in an apartment and working two jobs—at a book bindery and a doughnut shop—to where you are today as an executive for a large corporation. As an African-American, how did you think of your color at the beginning of that journey?

I saw it as a handicap. It was constantly visible and in the way. Over time it has really been a wonderful, evolving journey. I began to look at color less in terms of black and white and more in terms of the qualities that one expresses. Today there's a greater emphasis on appreciating diversity, and that's a wonderful way of looking at it. If I look back twenty-five years ago, the emphasis was on black power, standing up for a sense of pride. But with that came anger, hostility, confrontation, and a sense of defending oneself. Where I have evolved to now is embracing those spiritual qualities of diversity and celebrating my individuality.

Were there experiences of discrimination that forced you to go deeper?

Yes, and when I was younger, they were always so personal. I'd ask myself, "Why is this happening to me?" It became a question of doubting myself and looking at myself as if there were something wrong with me. Over the years, I realized that this discrimination really had nothing to do with me. That it was someone else's perception that needed to be addressed. But I saw that if I really wanted to bring about a change in how I was viewed and not be rejected, it had to start with how I saw me. I needed to get beyond the victim mentality.

How were you perceiving yourself at that point?

As deprived, underprivileged, with opportunities not being given to me, as having to fight for everything, needing to have this edge to survive. And it was a constant struggle, a constant battle of feeling that I needed to be the one to push the edge in order to open doors, break new ground, in order to break through. It was all on me to do that, and that was such a heavy burden.

I remember early on in my career I had an opportunity for a promotion, and it became really evident during the interview process that I was being denied this opportunity because of my color. And I was just devastated at that time, hurt that we couldn't get beyond seeing what was physically there to be able to appreciate what I could bring to the job. I got very angry and very bitter and looked at that as another "Oh, woe is me." It was like a cross I had to carry.

It was about that time that I was becoming seriously interested in Christian Science. One of the wonderful things that Christian Science gave me was a new definition for man, for what I was spiritually and how God viewed me.

So what changed about how you saw yourself?

I began to realize that instead of having to fight my way to the top and change everyone's opinion about me, all I needed to do was to express what I really was. We are all varied expressions of God—each of us a unique identity reflecting Him. You know, Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is within us. So what we really need to do is to bring out what's already there: the spiritual and moral qualities that are a part of each and every one of us—love, truth, honesty, integrity.

What keeps us tied up or entangled is buying into a false concept of who we are. When you buy into the lie, it just feeds upon itself and wears you down—the lie that you're intellectually inferior, that you're incompetent, that you're lacking something because of what you look like or your past mistakes. That you're not capable of rising above your adversities and moving forward. This baggage that gets placed on you—if you carry it around, you can't go any higher.

When you're feeling angry or worthless, it's hard to imagine that God loves you and that you reflect Him—until you start to think about what God is. If God is Love, then I must reflect loving qualities. If God is Truth, then I must reflect honesty. Each day I would take one synonym for God and say: "OK, if that is God, how can I express that? What does that mean to me?" I would take a spiritual quality and express it at work, in interacting with others—holding it in consciousness until it began to feel familiar. It was sometimes a struggle not to give up. In fact, at times I did, but I was always compelled to go back. Just taking these little baby steps made the difference in terms of how I saw myself and how I saw others. It was a long process, but it was joyous process. Before you know it, you begin to transform.

Do you think you can have this higher sense of identity without having an understanding of God?

You can, but it would be very limited. Intellectually, I can see that if I become educated and articulate, on the surface I'm entitled to the same opportunities as everyone else. But if I take that a step further, I realize that unlimited good is my birthright. We're all equal in God's eyes in terms of what we come to the table with. I don't have to go off and acquire it. There's no door that is closed to me if I choose to open it. Education and culture are wonderful things, and I've taken advantage of all the courses offered me by the companies I've worked for, and have earned a college degree. But education is just an enhancement. You really need to appreciate and understand the spiritual essence of you—then the freedom to express what you are just flows.

I'm sure discrimination didn't just disappear from your life at this point, but maybe you began to deal with it differently.

Yes, and that really is the key. When I was younger I would engage it by buying into people's false perceptions of me and being defensive. Over the years, I've learned not to engage racism but to deny it, correct it, and heal it, thereby destroying it. It's really about healing my own thought in regard to what I accept as true about me.

A couple of years ago I had moved to Raleigh, North Carolina, for a computer company and was in the process of building a home. I wanted to build a particular kind of home that was very similar to the brownstones in Boston where I grew up, where the houses were close to each other; I was missing that sense of home. When I explained to my manager that I needed an extension to finish building and why this kind of home was important to me, he looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't just miss being shackled to the bottom of a slave ship?"

I was totally shocked by this statement. Twenty years ago I would have been ready to step out into the parking lot and defend myself. But during this situation I didn't react to it—and I didn't ignore it. I really prayed about the right way to handle this. It was not about getting even. It was about righting this sense of injustice, this false view of me. And in righting it about me, righting it about others. So I moved forward and had this situation investigated. When I was asked what I would like to see happen, I said, "I don't want to see him fired; I want to see him healed." Two wonderful things came out of this: he was removed from the job but not terminated, and he was given counseling and training. And more important, it came out during the investigation that much worse things had been going on for years. So all of this had been brought to the surface to be healed.

Where does forgiveness fit into these kinds of experiences?

Without forgiveness there's no healing, and that was probably the most important lesson I had to learn. What's really important is not only to forgive the other person, but also to forgive yourself for even reaching to the belittlement. In this last incident, the forgiveness was instantaneous. I instantly realized that his view of me had come out of ignorance and fear. It wasn't him and it wasn't me. It was a false sense of God's man.

Lorita, if we were to see each other as purely spiritual, at that point do you think color would disappear?

Oh, no! No more than looking at a rainbow and thinking that if I saw the colors perfectly there would only be one color. You need each and every color to reflect the essence, the allness of God. Each and every one of us is individual. We each have our own set of experiences, our own spiritual development, that brings us to where we are today, and it's a journey. And I think that as we see each other spiritually, these distinctions become brighter, clearer. The objective is not for us all to blend into one. It's to express fully our own individuality.

Would you say that you're not compromising your individuality anymore?

That's right. I think there was a time in the middle of my career when I did in many ways. But as I started to develop spiritually, I started to really examine each and every one of these concessions and ask, Why am I giving this up? And what are people being denied by not really getting to know me? So I made a conscious decision to wear my hair natural. I began celebrating and acknowledging who and what I was and what I stood for, instead of hiding it or making believe it didn't exist. I started to occasionally wear ethnic clothing to work. It was so well received. Once we evolve to expressing our own heritage and culture, people really do value it and become interested in knowing more about it. That allows you to take it even higher and talk about it more in terms of spiritual individuality, to enlighten others as you are enlightened. You begin to take them on the journey with you.

To sum up, if you no longer think of yourself as a black woman climbing a ladder, how do you identify yourself each morning?

I truly see myself as someone who has arrived. When I say arrived, I don't mean at a final destination but at an understanding of who I am and of what I bring to the workplace. I am a black woman, unique, individual, who has all these various experiences, who complements the workplace. I don't compete with others. I see myself at a point where I can look out from my oneness with God, instead of looking up. I am a spiritual idea made in the image and likeness of God.

PHILIPPIANS

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13, 14