Earlier this year, the evangelical organization African Enterprise convened a Kwazulu-Natal Christian Leadership Assembly in the city of Pietermaritzburg, South Africa. One of the Keynote speakers was a high-school teacher, Carol Cassidy. With her own children now grown up, Mrs. Cassidy has taken special delight in returning to the classroom. She teaches a course in Life Education and serves as a school counselor. "Of course, the young people teach me a lot," she told us. "I'm constantly learning to be more flexible, and to grow with them in understanding the trends and the challenges of their world."

During her address, Mrs. Cassidy focused on "family wholeness," opening with a statement once made by the Lambeth Conference of Anglican bishops in London: "The beauty of family life is one of God's most precious gifts and its preservation is of paramount responsibility to the church."

FAMILIES UNDER THREAT

Mrs. Cassidy began by pointing out that the traditional understanding of the family generally promoted by the Church—two parents, first marriage, father in full-time employment, mother staying at home—is different from the family portrayed in Biblical and historical times. "The extended family was more the norm in Old Testament and even New Testament times," she said, "and, in the New Testament, we are asked to extend the traditional family to incorporate brothers and sisters in Christ who are beyond the natural kinship line.

"The traditional family is no longer central to our Western civilization and culture, and its values are no longer universally held," Mrs. Cassidy continued. "But if the family is going to break down, our civilization is going to break down.

"Jesus holds family ideals of faithfulness and marriage high [see Mark 10:2–12]. Today, some people's idea of marriage is that they honor a contract until it doesn't work. They promise to love each other in sickness and in health, but in their minds they are thinking that 'till death us do part' means 'I will stay with you as long as you are meeting my needs.'

"Changes in the family reflect the philosophy of the age," said Mrs. Cassidy. "We have modernist and postmodernist philosophies that have had a huge effect on Western society and culture, and the present postmodernist culture rejects ethical foundations and moral absolutes. The cardinal sin of this philosophy is intolerance. Everything is true, and nothing is true; and with this, Christian values are challenged. Truth has become a matter of taste, and morality a matter of preference. If it feels good, do it. Right and wrong have become blurred, and people are seldom taught Judeo-Christian values any longer.

"Our young people need to understand the benefits of moral choices," Mrs. Cassidy continued. "We have to show them that the Biblical values are there to protect their happiness, not to spoil it. Certain things are wrong not just because the Bible says they are, but because they don't work. Our creator gave us an instruction book, and He knows what is going to work for good and for our happiness. Young people need to be given reasons for moral behavior, and we need to help them have a defense for the Christian position."

ROOTED IN BIBLICAL FAITH

Mrs. Cassidy believes firmly that families need to be rooted and instructed in Christ and Biblical faith. She said: "Parents still have the final authority over the home. They can systematically educate their children in the ways of the Lord from the time they understand words. Even before that, parents can pray for them."

She emphasized the importance of daily devotions, and of mutual respect. "Families need discipline," she said, "and people need to know how to discipline. They need instruction in behavior and ethics. Parents need to understand the influences of the age, and to make their children aware of harmful effects. Parents should give them a sense of community and intimacy without clutching at them, and empower them for independence, social responsibility, and usefulness."

RELATIONSHIPS AND TOGETHERNESS

Mrs. Cassidy spoke of the family's dependence on strong relationships and togetherness. These are fostered, she said, by a good marriage based on Judeo-Christian principles, and by families in which the differences and uniquenesses of each member are fully accepted.

"Forgiveness in the family is important," she added. "Also, honesty and unselfishness. We need to teach our children how to deal with anger. They need to know that anger is all right, but what you do with it is something that needs working out in a Christian way. We need to demonstrate self-sacrifice, and we need to help bear one another's burdens [see Gal. 6:2]."

Mrs. Cassidy readily admitted that the mother's role in society has changed somewhat, but she believes that mothers remain key figures, bringing comfort, peace, and order into the home. Too often, she said, today's mother is following the pattern established by many fathers—of putting career and personal fulfillment above the needs of the family. "Modern-day parents are easily conned into believing that material acquisitions—like TVs and CDs—can fill the voids created by their absence. Nothing is more important than their presence in the home, and time given to their children.

"Families need to do things together," she added. "They must celebrate special occasions and have fun. These things build memories. To make others feel special is the job of the family—to serve one another and promote the feeling of being wanted and esteemed. And this responsibility extends to neighbors, the elderly, the homeless, the widows, and the orphans [see James 1:27], all of whom are part of the wider Christian family."

Mrs. Cassidy said that when their daughters were younger, her husband loved to arrange "dates" with them so as to have time alone with each of them. She in turn "dated" their son, and spent some mad money with him. "It promotes wonderful communication with children!" she said. "Just like our 'indabas' [a Zulu word for gatherings]. On Sunday nights once every two months, we's have a frank family discussion—no holds barred. The children would be invited to bring their complaints and special requests to us, such as, 'I need more pocket money,' and my husband and I could say things like, 'We want you to clear the table without our having to ask you all the time.' That solved many problems before they became serious! It also strengthened mutual respect and understanding.

Mrs. Cassidy concluded: "Above all, I believe we need to demonstrate a new reverence for the Lord. Pray daily for our children and for their future spouses. We all need to uphold the Christian faith and Biblical standards. And the Church needs to reembrace the concept of the family and teach it. This will empower the family to become the moral cornerstone of society."