Second Thought

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The New York Times

"New Studies Find Many Myths about Mourning"

"Some of the most widespread beliefs about mourning are largely myths, new scientific findings are showing. And researchers warn that these myths can increase the mourners' distress by holding them to false expectations of what is 'normal.' ...

"Elements of the prevailing wisdom that now seem more myth than fact include the idea that 'healthy' grieving includes a period of intense distress or depression shortly after the loss, that failure to have such feelings bodes poorly for psychological adjustment and that the mourner should get over the loss after a finite period of grieving....

" 'People don't realize how common it is for grief to be borne lightly,' Dr. [Camille] Wortman, [a psychologist at the University of Michigan who did much of the research] said. 'Nor is there any compelling evidence that they are denying the loss or did not truly love the person. If they were denying the loss, they would go out of their way to avoid thoughts of the loved one, but we don't find that to be the case. Nor are they unloving in recalling the relationship: there's no evidence it was full of conflict in any way, or that they weren't really attached to the person.'

"The absence of extreme distress 'can be a sign of resilience,' she said, 'but that possibility has never been considered.'

"One trait common among such people is a set of beliefs that give them a broader perspective. Dr. Wortman said, 'Many of them have world views—often a spiritual outlook.' "

Editors' comment: The exposure of myths is always freeing. And when myths asserting the "normalcy" or "inevitability" of certain courses for suffering and sadness are exposed, it can be particularly liberating.

Dr. Wortman's acknowledgment of "a spiritual outlook" as an effective therapeutic element in overcoming grief is a note-worthy sign of the times.

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