The teen-age years

United roles for parent and child

People generally tend to welcome infants and to cherish their role in the family, even though the parental role is demanding. Should parents resent the demands made on them when their children reach the teen years? Shouldn't adults and teens recognize the important individual role of each family member?

Just what is the teen-ager's role?

Some teens insist they should be independent of obligations toward the family. They want to be accepted with unquestioning faith that they can manage themselves. Some parents contend, however, that financial and legal dependency, and immaturity, cast the adolescent role as subservient. They don't understand why a son or daughter would expect more. Communication tends to degenerate into "I didn't ask to be born" versus "Look what I've sacrificed for you."

When our reasoning goes no deeper than the stress of human relationships, we are apt to experience the estrangements built into everything mortal, because mortality itself is a claim of separation from God. But God, immortal good, is All-in-all. He is the one perfect Parent; and His Son, Christ, the true idea of son-ship and daughterhood, is the ideal child. In Science and Health Mrs. Eddy explains, "A personal sense of God and of man's capabilities necessarily limits faith and hinders spiritual understanding." Science and Health, p. 312.

God's children are neither infant, teen, nor adult mortals. The members of God's holy family are His spiritual ideas, unique and complete, all united in one Mind, God.

Finding and living our identity in Christ, Truth, links us harmoniously with the true identity of every individual. Spiritualized living defines, adjusts, and stabilizes human relationships. In respect for and edification of the vital-to-spiritual-progress role of youth in the family, The Christian Science Monitor is publishing, November 1, 2, and 3, a series of articles exploring in depth the subject "Families and Teens: The New Dialogue." This series aims to strengthen the mutually beneficial roles of all members of the family in character development.

Surely the family of Jesus helped to nurture and prepare him for his mission. How did Mary and Joseph handle the teen-aged Jesus? And how did he treat them?

We have vivid accounts of Jesus' spiritual conception, of his birth, and even a detailed account of his visit to the temple at Jerusalem when he was twelve years old. But only one brief canonical record includes his teen years when it tells, "And he went down with them [Mary and Joseph], and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them" (or as the Revised Standard Version has it, "was obedient to them"). "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man." Luke 2:51,52.

The recorded sayings of the Master do not include the term "family." But his affection for children, his urging of brotherly love, his provision for the care of his mother when he was on the cross, point to Jesus' appreciation for the concept of family.

We assume from studying the Gospels in their entirety that during Jesus' teen years Mary and Joseph lovingly provided Jesus with shelter, nourishment, and clothing. They evidently trained him in a trade and encouraged his spiritual education in the local synagogue as well as at home. Jesus' homelife shines through his parables. His illustrations were homespun.

The indispensable place of the family in helping both individuals and society to progress toward realization of man's true oneness with God is stressed in Science and Health. There Mrs. Eddy writes: "Christian Science despoils the kingdom of evil, and preeminently promotes affection and virtue in families and therefore in the community." Science and Health, pp. 102-103.

Some friends who moved to a new city learned how Christian Science promotes affection and virtue in the community through the family. When the teen-age daughter enrolled in the school nearest her new home, she was immediately identified as a racial minority of one. On the first day of school her classmates threatened to kill her if she returned. She was terrified and puzzled. She had been a popular cheerleader in her former, integrated school, and she had taken for granted that her individuality was acceptable.

Shattered, she went directly home to enlist her mother's consolation and aid. Together they asked for the prayerful support of a Christian Science practitioner.

The practitioner scientifically understood the unity and harmony native to God, the one divine Mind, Love, and saw that this included all individuality. Her prayerful treatment at once calmed and comforted the frightened girl. And it stirred the mother to invoke as never before the effective spiritual action of scientific prayer. The mother and the practitioner continued to pray through the night, while the daughter slept peacefully and soundly. Both mother and daughter fulfilled individual roles in the demonstration of spiritual healing.

The next morning the mother was amazed to find her daughter casually preparing for school as though nothing had happened. She didn't encourage her daughter to go alone under these circumstances. She accompanied the girl to school and spoke with the principal. He, in turn, spoke with the classmates. The steadfast understanding of the mother and the practitioner, coupled with the innocent faith of the girl, had wrought a change in the classmates' attitudes. They accepted the girl—not grudgingly, as they could have done, but wholeheartedly. To this day, nearly eight years later, she retains friendships among her former classmates.

In the process of redeeming the whole human family from sin and suffering, childlike faith in God cooperates with mature understanding for reciprocal blessing. Faith draws healing from understanding, and understanding draws fresh unfoldment through the healing exercise of faith. Science and Health says, "God gives the lesser idea of Himself for a link to the greater, and in return, the higher always protects the lower." Ibid., p. 518.

Individual members of human families can support one another's efforts to demonstrate spiritual identity. Thus parents and teens complement and benefit one another, as do faith and understanding, obedience and wisdom. To say that parents and children should be to each other no more than pals is to belie their mutual responsibility to aid each other's continuing spiritual progress.

A parent should not forget his need for childlike acceptance and trust of God, good. In fact, one might say that one of the parent's most difficult responsibilities toward his teen children is to learn to trust and treasure them because they are God's children. And perhaps the teens' stellar role is to earn that respect by understanding treasuring their parents' true individuality as well as their own.

Teen-agers and parents alike remain subject to chastening in some form until each awakens to his eternal place in the Godlike family of man, not needing correction or growth because perfect and complete. In spiritual reality—heaven, harmony—the role of each individual is to be Godlike. What more could anyone aspire to be?

CAROLYN B. SWAN

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A new kind of strength
November 1, 1982
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