Early one morning while taking class instruction in Christian Science, I had a beautiful illumination that God is eternal Life, and that since I am His individual infinite idea, this Life is my Life also. The inspiration I felt that morning upheld me during a difficult period a few months later.

I developed an internal problem which prevented my walking normally and eating food without extreme pain. At one time I commented to my teacher that I had so many problems. He responded by urging me to take them one at a time. Later, though, I became so discouraged, I thought about suicide. But then I realized this would solve nothing.

Because of what I'd seen during class instruction, I pressed on. I prayed and studied on my own and also had the help of a Christian Science practitioner. Nonetheless, healing seemed out of reach. But I did find comfort in recalling how Christ Jesus and his follower Mary Baker Eddy had triumphed in their testing times. Since to me their victories were the result of persistent reliance on Truth, I knew that the courage and strength I needed could and would come from God. Jesus' disciple John wrote (John 17:3): "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent."

"Acquaint now thyself with him, and be at peace: thereby good shall come unto thee," the Bible tells us (Job 22:21). This helped me recognize that what was really needed was a better understanding of God—not just a physical change.

After that, I literally lived my prayer, a bit unsteadily at times but striving to bring out consistently such spiritual qualities as integrity, love, and wisdom in my own life and seeking to see them in others. I also memorized hymns and often sang them aloud to help maintain a sense of buoyancy and openness. These lines from the poem "Love" by our Leader, Mrs. Eddy, I found especially inspiring (Poems, p. 7): "Fed by Thy love divine we live,/For Love alone is Life." I decided to remain at home during this period, doing some housework, but mostly studying.

Being home prompted me to handle some personal and family problems that had bothered me for some time. I did the same thing with troubles our branch church was having. Also, each morning, after reading through the daily newspaper, I prayerfully analyzed and treated certain local and world problems.

The truth of this passage from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mrs. Eddy was becoming increasingly evident to me (p. 390): "We cannot deny that Life is self-sustained, and we should never deny the everlasting harmony of Soul, simply because, to the mortal senses, there is seeming discord. It is our ignorance of God, the divine Principle, which produces apparent discord, and the right understanding of Him restores harmony. Truth will at length compel us all to exchange the pleasures and pains of sense for the joys of Soul." Many family blessings followed this period of in-depth study, including a friendship with my former husband and Christian Science class instruction for my daughter.

When did my healing come? I can't say exactly, but it did come. As grateful as I am to be free of the problem, it takes second place to getting to know God and the real me better! I received so much in terms of spiritual growth in the course of this healing. I've become more steadfast and expectant of good. Also peace, harmony, forgiveness, spiritual strength, a love for and understanding of Christian Science, and a conviction in the supremacy of divine Mind are more apparent in my life than ever before. I continue to learn what it means to trust in God because now I've seen proof that nothing is impossible to Him.

CAROLYN RAMESDORFER ARNOLD
Walnut Creek, California