What a joy it is to be able to share this testimony!

One day, almost three years ago, I discovered evidence of an internal growth. My first reaction was one of great fear, so I called a friend in another city who is a Christian Science practitioner. She shared many healing thoughts with me. I felt much comforted, and the fear lessened.

Afterward I continued studying and praying on my own, finding many wonderful passages in the Bible and Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy. When fear tried to distract me, I found it helpful to read out loud. I also remembered that the Bible says (I John 4:16, 18): "God is love" and "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear." I asked myself, Am I really loving God if I say that He is Love and yet believe that He would permit something bad to happen to me? How can I fear something that God never made and is not true about me?

In Psalms, I read (45:13), "The king's daughter is all glorious within." I knew that I was the King's daughter—the perfect child of God—and that, in a special sense, I was "all glorious within"; therefore nothing ugly could attach itself to me. I was not a mortal struggling with a challenge, but the immortal child of God, cared for and upheld every moment by a most loving Father-Mother God.

This passage from Science and Health was tremendously encouraging (p. 463): "A spiritual idea has not a single element of error, and this truth removes properly whatever is offensive."

Many months went by, and although the fear had greatly lessened, the physical problem was still evident. So I decided to visit a local Christian Science practitioner. When I walked into his office, I carried with me a notebook in which I had written down many Bible verses and passages from Mrs. Eddy's writings during months of study. I had been in the habit of referring to these quotations constantly, reading them over and over. As I picked up my notebook to jot down whatever ideas the practitioner might share with me, imagine my surprise when he said, "You don't need to do that"! He explained that Christian Science teaches spiritual growth, not accretion, and that I did not need to accumulate a lot of good ideas, hoping that I'd find just the "right one" among them to bring healing. He also pointed out that one can even study willfully, reminding me that God unfolds to each of us whatever it is we need to know each moment. Jotting down thoughts is not wrong; but in my case I had tried, almost frantically, to amass a great supply of them and then spent time continually reviewing what I'd written—when all I really needed to do was be open to considering the spiritual ideas at hand.

The practitioner shared this passage with me (Science and Health, p. 242): "In patient obedience to a patient God, let us labor to dissolve with the universal solvent of Love the adamant of error,— self-will, self-justification, and self-love,—which wars against spirituality and is the law of sin and death." He also recommended that I use the Concordance to Mrs. Eddy's writings to look up and study references on "self."

This visit was the turning point. The first thing I did when I got home was to drop the cherished notebook in the wastebasket. Doing it was actually a relief! Then I set out to gain a better understanding of my true identity and resolved to turn away from the false picture of a mortal self. I also looked up the definition of "will" in Science and Health on page 597. Mrs. Eddy begins with the material perception: "Will. The motive-power of error; mortal belief; animal power" and then contrasts it with the spiritual interpretation: "The might and wisdom of God." I certainly wanted to be on the side of "the might and wisdom of God." In seeking to demonstrate this to the best of my ability, I began by making a conscious effort to listen to God and follow through in obeying His guidance. It meant being alert to turning away from self-will, which insists, "Things must work out this way," or "I don't want to do this," or even "I don't want to listen"! Before long I was so busy demonstrating "the might and wisdom of God" that I forgot about being afraid.

What a joyous time of study and spiritual progress. Several months ago I realized that I was completely healed. The growth had simply vanished. How grateful I am to God for Christian Science and for all that I am learning!

JOANNE ELIZABETH DAWN
Goleta, California