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Where was my peace?

From the May 22, 1995 issue of the Christian Science Sentinel

A Few months ago a girl at my school was run over by a car and killed. At the time, I had been struggling with what it means to be immortal, or deathless. I knew from personal experience and from what I had learned in Sunday School that none of us is truly a material being, as we may appear to be. We are actually spiritual ideas, the reflection of God. God's child is immortal because God, Life, is immortal. "Then why," I asked myself, "did death always seem so real? Why was this girl killed?"

These questions nagged at me night and day. I could find no peace of mind. Things got to the point where I was distracted and I couldn't concentrate at school. It was like a black cloud that wouldn't go away. No matter how many times I searched through the Bible and through Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy, I couldn't seem to find answers. I knew that Christ Jesus had said to his followers, "Peace I give unto you" (John 14:27). So where was my peace?

I decided to stop searching and to put my whole trust in God—to know simply that He was my Shepherd, guiding me and looking after me. I knew I had a right to peace. It slowly dawned on me why my search for answers had come to nothing. I had been looking for something that didn't exist—an explanation for error! This is impossible, as no one can explain why two plus two equals five. It just doesn't add up.

I saw that what we really need to do is to affirm the correct answer. I decided to look at Science and Health again, but this time I was looking for an affirmation of the truth, of what was actually going on in this situation. I found this quote in the chapter "Christian Science versus Spiritualism": "Let us rid ourselves of the belief that man is separated from God, and obey only the divine Principle, Life and Love. Here is the great point of departure for all true spiritual growth" (p. 91).

I had been seeing things as though my friend were somehow separated from God, Life. When I thought about her, I had been thinking of her as a mortal who had been born and who had died prematurely. I realized I was doing her—and myself—no good by seeing her that way. She couldn't, as God's reflection, be apart from God. I saw that death was really a false belief that man could be separated from God. I saw that I had been believing that I, too, could be separated from God, and as a result, I had felt incomplete.

As soon as I saw that there really, truly is only one Mind governing all and that man, as God's idea, can never be apart from that perfect Mind, the problems I had been having at school ceased. All I felt was complete peace.

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