PRAYER THAT CALMS COMPLAINT

IT'S BEEN SAID that many of the issues we face feel so difficult because we complain about them. You might say we all do it to some extent. And yet, does it get us very far?

Complaining can be a way of expressing grief, pain, or discontent. Different from simply giving legitimate, kind, and constructive feedback, complaining is often destructive if it's based on criticism, fear, or resentment. But it can also be a sign of a need for attention and love, a desire to be heard, a general lack of happiness or trust in good. Then there are "complaints" from the body, or nagging discomforts that try to sideline our progress and joy.

But however complaint appears to be defined in our lives, or the lives of those around us, it's definitely a state of thought that stands in the way of spiritual progress and healing. And we can meet it with compassion and the prayer that acknowledges each one's divine right to peace of mind, to know and, more important, feel the touch of God's tender care embracing them.

We've probably all known someone who may appear to have many reasons to complain, and yet they're always smiling, cheerful, genuinely speaking only of the good in their lives and the good they see around them. We're irresistibly drawn to them because we feel blessed by their example, just as they are blessed by their expression of spiritual qualities such as joy, patience, expectancy of good.

If we find that complaining has become a way of life with us, what can we do? Like any other habit, this one can be broken once we recognize we're doing it and want to stop. I've found there are a few things we can immediately start to do to counteract this negativity and take charge of our thinking and actions.

REFRAIN FROM VOICING IT

Although it may take some work to stop thinking complaints, we can take the first step of choosing not to voice them. My father used to say, "Put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in motion." I may not have liked hearing it at the time, but it was wise advice. In other words, pause and consider things before you speak. We might consider for instance how our words affect others. Are we adding joy to their day, or loading them down with our complaints or negativity and personal opinions?

Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy, takes this concept further and gives us this guidance: "Neither sympathy nor society should ever tempt us to cherish error in any form, and certainly we should not be error's advocate" (pp. 153–154).

Even when complaints may seem justified in our day-to-day lives, we aren't benefited by repeating our own or another's complaints. A rehearsal of problems doesn't lead to a reversal of them. When we take our concerns to God, we find the answers we need. The Bible promises, "The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me" (Ps. 138:8). God, divine Love, is always right here with us to strengthen and support our desire to be and do better.

What if someone else is constantly voicing complaints to us? Our daily prayers to do good to others start with God and Her infinite goodness and love for each one of Her children. We may feel it would be helpful to say something positive or encouraging at these times, or it may feel right to stay quiet. Either way, I've learned that we are the most supportive by not judging or labeling, not getting into the problem, but rather keeping our thought focused on the truth that no one can ever be separated from God's goodness and love.

GIVING GRATITUDE

Gratitude helps us stop thinking complaints. A hymn in the Christian Science Hymnal reads, "Our gratitude is riches, / Complaint is poverty" (Vivian Burnett, No. 249). Complaining shows lack in our thinking and perpetuates lack in our lives. But gratitude helps us begin to turn things around. Gratitude has often helped heal grief, self-pity, a habitual need for attention, or a feeling that life has knocked us down one too many times.

At first we may have to look hard for reasons to be grateful. And it's OK to be gentle with ourselves in the process. The more we practice gratitude, the more we will see examples of good around us. And we will find complaints automatically lessening because the focus of our thought is changing. We should always remember to whom we are grateful, as well as what we are grateful for. We are grateful to God, grateful for the spiritual fact that divine Love is the cause of good, the source of every bit of good in our lives. And this Love will continue to be the source of all good.

Being grateful may mean keeping a daily gratitude list. (Did you know that you can even download applications for gratitude journals to your mobile device?) This serves as evidence that we are appreciating what God is doing and expecting to receive more good. Mary Baker Eddy asked readers of Science and Health to ponder this important question: "Are we really grateful for the good already received?" (Science and Health, p. 3). Are we rejoicing in this good? In the book of Psalms in the Bible we are told over 50 times to "rejoice," which means to be glad, to be cheerful, to be full of joy. What better way to reject complaint!

ARGUE FOR GOODNESS, HAPPINESS, HEALTH

Complaining is arguing on the side of the problem, on the side of there being no solutions. One could say it is our open admission that we don't believe there is an answer, that we don't think the situation can change or be healed, or even that we don't believe God is present. But this simply isn't true.

God, who is divine Love, is always showering us with good, and this fact translates into meeting the human need as we are willing to let go of our personal beliefs and opinions, our fears, and begin praying to know that God—Mind, Spirit, Love—is a present help. Mind, intelligence, works on our behalf, causing intelligent things to happen. Spirit continuously inspires us with the knowledge of this and encourages us to continue acknowledging it.

One thing that helped me a lot when I was dealing with depression as a teenager was striving more and more often to identify myself correctly, spiritually, by acknowledging that I was God's child, perfect and infinitely loved by this wise, caring divine Parent. I was not a mixed up, unhappy mortal. And this led to healing. [Log on to spirituality.com to hear an archived chat with Barbara Fife: "Overcoming depression: Let Christ set you free."]

One passage from Mary Baker Eddy's writings, which I have applied many times in different situations with healing results, is: "If you wish to be happy, argue with yourself on the side of happiness; take the side you wish to carry, and be careful not to talk on both sides, or to argue stronger for sorrow than for joy. You are the attorney for the case, and will win or lose according to your plea" (Christian Healing, p. 10). The wonderful aspect of this quotation is that you can put anything you appear to need in place of the word happiness. You can argue on the side of "health," on the side of "peacefulness," on the side of "abundance," etc.

What does it mean to "argue with yourself on the side of happiness"? To me it means saying no to the complaining (or depressing) thoughts clamoring for acceptance, and instead declaring the presence of whatever seems to be lacking. In order to say no to complaining thoughts, we need to be alert to what's going on in our thinking. Jesus said to his disciples, "What I say unto you I say unto all, Watch" (Mark 13:37). I don't suppose he meant watching what our neighbor or co-worker is doing or not doing, which is so often the subject of people's complaints! Jesus' instructions always applied to thought—whether he was telling an individual in need of healing not to be afraid, or teaching multitudes on a mountain hillside. It is our thinking we need to pay attention to, rather than sinking further into the problem.

ADDRESSING COMPLAINTS FROM THE BODY

What if our body is the source of our complaints? In prayer, we can begin immediately to argue for, or affirm, the truth that because God is wholly good, is Love, is the source and condition of our being, there is no lack of anything right and good; that present right here, right this moment, is spiritual perfection, healthy functioning, required energy and strength, the right to have full use of faculties such as sight and hearing.

It is helpful to argue for health rather than against sickness, to argue for confidence and trust rather than against fear, to argue for abundance rather than against lack. This keeps us focused on God, good, and keeps the temptation to complain at bay.

What really heals negative thoughts and their effects on the body is the truth that there is only one Mind, that Mind is God, and that this Mind is our Mind. The Bible promises us that "we have the mind of Christ" (I Cor. 2:16). There is no complaint, no fearful or negative thinking in the divine Mind—there is nothing to fear or complain about in the kingdom of heaven, the perfect consciousness in which we dwell. What is being presented as a challenge to our health is never an irresolvable condition, no matter how real or permanent it appears. It is, at its root, a suggestion being presented to thought. Having "the mind of Christ" means that we are continuously receiving spiritual concepts, pure and peaceful thoughts. These thoughts are God's angel messages and promises of good. These angels are the Christ-message. The Christ is defined in Christian Science as "the true idea voicing good, the divine message from God to men speaking to the human consciousness" (Science and Health, p. 332). This pure communication, with us, always counteracts the fears and beliefs that seem cause for complaint.

When we begin to understand even a little of this, accept it, and argue for it, things can begin to change, and rather quickly. Complaint dissolves. And we more often feel the spirit spoken of in Second Timothy (1:7), when the writer referred to God giving us the spirit "of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."