Finding my way home

Years ago, we lived in a state far from extended family. We'd been moving frequently for about ten years, and I longed to "go home" so that our children could be closer to their grandparents.

It wasn't that we didn't have great friends and neighbors right where we were. It was just that we were at a crossroads. My husband had a choice—either take on a new career in the state where we were living or return to the family-owned business where our parents lived. The most desirable choice seemed clear to me.

But I knew I had to get my desires out of the way so that we could all be guided in the right direction. As I prayed my way through a tremendous longing for home, I began a period of spiritual study on this topic that would last for several months.

Early one morning, while I was reading the Christian Science Bible Lesson, the story of Nehemiah and the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem stood out. A description of what "Jerusalem" symbolizes in the Bible was in a corresponding citation from the Glossary of Science and Health. I noticed it because, jumping off the page at me within part of that description, was the word home: "Jerusalem. Mortal belief and knowledge obtained from the five corporeal senses; the pride of power and the power of pride; sensuality; envy; oppression; tyranny. Home, heaven" (p. 589 ).

Seeking to "find my way home," I began to break the description apart, and saw how the first part of it identified some of the challenges confronting our household—specifically, "knowledge obtained from the ... senses," "oppression," and "pride." At that time, the economy was facing interest rates in the 20 percent range and climbing. It appeared that even if we were to head back to be near relatives, we had to sell our house, and no one was buying because loans were almost impossible to come by.

Not only did the economic climate feel oppressive, but it was discouraging that my husband's employment didn't seem to provide us with enough income to meet our family's growing needs. It seemed that economic conditions beyond our control held our future. And there was also a sense of subtle pride on our part; we both wanted to show our parents we could make it on our own.

It was easy to see how all of these things didn't line up with the harmonious view of God's creation I'd learned as a student of Christian Science. But as I continued studying and praying, I found a new view as I examined the latter part of that description of Jerusalem: "Home, heaven." Then I was further inspired to read in the Glossary of Science and Health that heaven includes "harmony; the reign of Spirit; government by divine Principle; spirituality; bliss; the atmosphere of Soul" (p. 587 ). For the next several weeks, I lived with a growing concept of these spiritual qualities as constituting our heavenly home.

I also found this complementary jewel in Jesus' teachings: "The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you" (Luke 17:20, 21 ). These verses helped me see that our home was not something we had to move into or out of; it was something we possessed as God's children. We didn't need to travel across the country to have the Fathering and Mothering of divine Love. Our income was not anchored in the economy or in my husband's job. Good was infinite, directly from God, and we couldn't be separated from it, because we were His children. Supply, I saw, was part of our very being, of who we were as the loved of divine Love. Praying with these ideas could lead our family to greater activity and spiritual uplift, rather than stagnation and hopelessness.

During those months of focused prayer, my husband took a temporary job out of state for three weeks. I was then faced with even more of a sense of loneliness. Instead of moping around, though, I decided to see our home in terms of the characterization of heaven as described in Science and Health—as complete in "the atmosphere of Soul."

Over a period of weeks, our children and I set to work upgrading and finishing projects around the house. The kids chose to revamp their rooms, and helped clean up the garden. I finished off a sheetrock job in the unfinished basement, right down to the final coat of paint. We were actively loving our home, whether we were going to stay there or move. I now look back on that time with amazement at the energy, strength, and direction we all expressed. And instead of a feeling of heaviness, joy and confidence began taking center stage.

Along with the contentment, I began to appreciate my children's neighborhood friends in a new light. I started seeing wonderful qualities the children expressed as they played together, and began photographing them and sharing the images with their parents. The photos were a hit. (This became the jump-start for a photography career that not only was enjoyable, but eventually led to an increase in our family's income.)

When my husband returned from his trip, we talked some more about the relocation decision we needed to make. We agreed to pray about it individually for a few more weeks, and then come together for the verdict. In the end, we decided the time was right to move to be closer to our parents.

During this time, a friend brought this precious Bible passage to my attention: "For I mean not that other men be eased, and ye burdened: but by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want: that there may be equality" (II Cor. 8:13, 14 ). It was astonishing how these words so completely summed up the events that followed.

It came to us not to put the house on the market until we'd entirely moved out. So, we found a realtor who would take care of things after we drove away. As we packed up each room, we talked about the qualities that we'd loved in our house and realized these same features remained for others to enjoy. The home had such a wonderful sense of light, space, color, warmth, community, design, and even abundance (including a garden ready for harvest). With the packing almost complete, we got our moving truck and parked it in the driveway.

That same day, while our children were playing in the front yard, a man drove by our house and noticed the truck. He asked the children if we were moving in or out. Long story short, our house was just what his family was looking for, including the garden. After a brief discussion, we began to get paperwork going so he could buy it. The papers were drawn up within the day.

After our move, the qualities we loved about our old house weren't left behind. They appeared in the new home we soon found in the Pacific Northwest.

"Going home" means something different to me now. It means returning again and again to my unchanging relationship with God. css