Q&A January 1, 1999 ISSUE

A Deonna & Suzanne...

with contributions from Deonna, Suzanne

1) How do I stop getting into relationships that are bad for me?

It's a step in the right direction to recognize a bad relationship. But it's unnatural to be attracted to anything that doesn't promise to be the very best for you. The one real attraction we all feel is to things that are good. To qualities that make us happy and satisfied — like unselfishness, gentleness, honesty, purity, good humor. These qualities come from God. And God is good. There's a sentence in Science and Health that helps in thinking about relationships. It says simply, “There is but one real attraction, that of Spirit” (p. 102 ). When a relationship has this foundation, it's sure to be a healthy one.

2) About a year ago, two of my best friends started stealing things from a store. When I wouldn't join in with them, they turned against me. So now I'm often afraid to leave my house. They've also intimidated my other friends into not talking to me. They've made my life miserable. I've told my parents about it, and they've spoken to the parents of these friends. But nothing has changed. What can I do?

If you were friends with these individuals at one time, then you must have seen something good in them. The fact that they are acting hatefully now hasn't changed their true, natural goodness. Hate can only grow where there's no love, so the solution has to include a willingness to love more. That doesn't mean to let yourself be treated like a doormat. But it does mean to express even more compassion. Jesus had a lot of experience in this area. He went on loving friends who betrayed him — even those who wanted to kill him. His advice to us is to follow his example. “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,” he said (Matthew 5:44 ).

3) I want to go to art school, but my parents don't think it's a practical course of study. How do I convince them to take me seriously?

You may never be successful in convincing other people to take you seriously. But maybe that's not the key issue. Isn't the most important “person” in your life God, your real Mother-Father? He created you as an individualized expression of Himself. And you certainly don't need to convince God to take anything He created more seriously! You're really not dependent on another human being to develop your talents, or to fulfill desires that are most right for you. The Bible says, “For of him [God], and through him, and to him, are all things” (Romans 11:36 ). To us, this means that 1) the talents we have as His image and likeness are of God; 2) the resources and opportunities to develop them come to us through Him (not a bank account or another person); and 3) the glory for what we accomplish is always to Him. And your parents will see the responsible example you set in expressing the talents that God gives you.

4) I just moved to a new city with my family, and I'm having trouble fitting into a different school. I miss my old friends. How can I fit in?

What an opportunity to make new friends! That may not be what you want to hear when you've just moved away from stable friendships and a familiar lifestyle. But consider the situation for a moment in a different light. Rather than thinking that you're giving up old friends, remember the wonderful qualities those friends express. Realize they're all originally from God. Then, take these God-given qualities with you to the new school. Watch how they're expressed by friends-to-be there.

5) My girlfriend and I are really attracted to one another. I don't really think it's right to have sex before marriage, but I'm not sure why. Can you help with this issue?

For one thing, abstinence can save you from any risks involved in sex before marriage — for instance, pregnancy. But the best thing is that, by abstaining now, you and your marriage partner will maintain your self-respect and also preserve the opportunity to share this special experience together when you're married.

Science and Health has a chapter on marriage that explains why abstinence makes a difference in the world. One of the things it says is this: “...it is chastity and purity, in contrast with the downward tendencies and earthward gravitation of sensualism and impurity, which really attest the divine origin and operation of Christian Science” (p. 272 ). Be confident knowing that you're waiting under God's law and protection for the right moment to share your love fully within the commitment of marriage. It's worth the wait!

6) Is there a formula to prayer? If so, what is it?

Jesus said, “When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly” (Matthew 6:6 ). He was talking about a mental, or spiritual, closet — where negative thoughts are left outside. Mary Baker Eddy devoted an entire chapter of Science and Health to prayer. You'll find a lot of answers there. But the book never mentions a formula for prayer. Instead, it speaks of the spiritual qualities and inspiration that go into it. The chapter starts this way: “The prayer that reforms the sinner and heals the sick is an absolute faith that all things are possible to God, — a spiritual understanding of Him, an unselfed love” (p. 1 ).

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