Boyfriend, girlfriend, roommates, parents...

Originally printed in Spanish, Portuguese, German, and French

She said...

Participants: Maartje Hoogendijk — The Netherlands; Kerry Flatley, Deonna Gerber, Chelsea Kearns — USA

Kerry — The one thing that I have learned is that, throughout a relationship, you have to keep identifying what your real relationship is. And that is your relationship with God. You need to keep your focus on Him rather than on personality. You can in some ways turn a personality into a god. And that's a wrong basis.

Maartje — In fact, the love you express to each other is an outcome of your relationship with God in the first place. And, as you do that, your love is more spiritual, and the love you express to each other has fewer problems.

Kerry — Science and Health says, “Love is impartial and universal in its adaptation and bestowals” (p. 13). Your relationship is a reflection of that Love, of God. Even though your relationship with a guy might be the center point of your thoughts, you can't, like, limit yourself in the love you give. You need to show love for everybody.

Maartje — Yes, because real love is outgoing.

Chelsea — And when a relationship doesn't work, you can't really go through a loss. Because you can still give as much love as ever, and you're still having as much love from God.

Deonna — Why do you think it sometimes takes so long for people to get over a girlfriend or a boyfriend? Is it those personal experiences you had with one another that you miss?

Chelsea — When you feel like you've lost a connection, that's a person connection. Can you, like, really feel great when that person isn't there anymore? Well, you can! Because you can never lose your connection with God.

Maartje — And you don't have a reason to be offended personally, if your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you. If you do have a hard time getting over it, it can be that you're taking it too personally. But you don't have to do that, because there is no loss of love for you. God's love is everywhere.

Kerry — Yeah, it's not like God will lead you in the wrong direction. If for a little while you seem to be going down the wrong path, God will take you to the right place. All you need to do is ask Him for help. You can't go off His plan for you.

Maartje — How about being afraid of commitment? To marriage, for example.

Deonna — Is it a commitment to a person, or a commitment to God? I think it's important to commit yourself to expressing spiritual qualities, qualities we get from God—like patience and caring, etcetera—in a relationship.

Maartje — If you choose for that commitment in a relationship, you decide that you want to grow together in becoming better people and trying to develop each other's character, in order to be able to glorify God in the first place. That's what we are living for, in my eyes.

Deonna — Listening to God, that's the key to relationships. Being able to yield, to let God take over, in any relationship—with parents or friends. It's so important to not close yourself off so you don't even listen to God. If you shut God out, it's really hard to be happy in a relationship. You have to let God be there first. And always listen. He's always giving you a direction. :)

He said...

Participants: Oko Acquaye — Ghana; Carl Safstrom — Australia; Federico del Castillo — USA; Juan Baurin — Argentina

Carl — I think it's real important to be unselfish and give to a relationship, rather than take.

Federico — And honesty is key in order for a relationship to be fulfilling. The relationship has to have trust.

Carl — I've come to realize what a good relationship I had with my parents. I really appreciate everything that they gave me—the freedom and the opportunities. They wanted to give me the best experiences possible. And it didn't matter if I didn't appreciate it then, if I was just an obnoxious kid. I learned from them to keep giving and giving. I look back at that now, and it gives me an amazing connection to my family.

Oko — I have some good relationships, but the strongest relationship is with my real Father-Mother, who is God. For we cannot see God with our naked eyes. But when we see each other, we see God's reflection. It is beautiful.

Federico — Unconditional love—I think it's very important to share this with everyone. The kind of love where you don't expect anything back from anyone else, you just give. It has no limit, and there's no end to it.

Juan — You are already fulfilled by God. And once you understand that, then you can have good relationships with all kinds of people.

Federico — When I moved to the US, this teacher for some reason did not like me at all. I had no idea what I had done or said to make her feel that way. I spoke with my mom about that, and she told me not to go into class and expect her to be a mean person, but to see her as a child of God. I saw her as someone who is good. When I changed my thought about that, she completely changed her way of acting toward me. She became a person that I learned to like and respect.

Juan — When somebody does something wrong to you, it's very important to understand that both the other person and you are innocent in God's sight. Once my girlfriend wrote a very bad letter to me because I had been behaving badly. At the time I was reading that letter, I was feeling in peace with myself, and this letter didn't harm me at all. I answered back saying, “I'm sorry I made you feel like that.” After that, we were very good friends. It's incredible how, when you're feeling peace, you stop judging the other person and can react very unselfishly.

Carl — Whenever I see someone that needs help, and I'm able to help out, even if it's inconvenient to myself, I find that it is such a rewarding thing to do.

Federico — Yeah, I've had the same best friend for seven years, and I never planned it that way. Since we first became friends I was just a simple friend— and just looking out for him and doing everything I could. If he needed me for anything, if he needed me to talk about certain things or needed advice, I was always there for him. And he was always there for me, too.

Oko — The key is to have a strong rapport with your God. And when you have that dependence on your God, you have completeness. You don't become so emotionally attached.

I have been hurt badly in many ways. But with your God, you cannot doubt that He's going to be good to you. I mean you are sure, one hundred percent, with rain or shine. In darkness or in light, God will always be there for you. Continuously, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

Juan — I think it is very important to make a distinction between being dependent and establishing a strong relationship. When I think about loving God, I think about understanding who I am as His child. Once you understand who you are, it is very important to see who everybody else is.

Federico — Once you establish your relationship with God, then everything else in your life will flow.

Carl — One thing. We can't do anything about our relationship to God — because we didn't start it. What we have to do is recognize that relationship. But with other people, and especially with females and girlfriends, I've found that often at first everything is just great. But then after a while, if you really value that relationship, you need to put more into it than just spending time with the other. It is very important to look toward the other person's spiritual growth, as well as your own spiritual growth. That's when the relationship is going to be strongest. :)