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Driving away fear
It was a beautiful, clear spring evening as I headed out after work for a drive. I’d bought my car—the first I’d ever owned—just a few days earlier. I was learning how to handle manual gears, after years of mostly driving cars with automatic transmissions. Also, where I now live in England, the roads tend to be much busier than in Australia, where I grew up and learned how to drive. I was hoping that by the end of the week, I’d be able to drive 30 miles from my home to the Christian Science Society where I serve as Second Reader. My goal that evening was simply to practice the first leg of that journey by driving to the next major town and back.
To reach the motorway, I needed to navigate a complex series of roundabouts near my home. All was going well until I reached the final roundabout, when suddenly, a jolt of fear shot through me. For a few terrifying moments, I felt paralyzed, unable to think clearly, and desperately afraid that I was about to lose control and crash. I had never panicked like this before, and it came as a complete shock.
Somehow, I got the car around the roundabout and onto the motorway. I reached the next town without incident, and pulled off to the side of the road to gather my thoughts. The flash of sheer terror was gone, but I felt badly shaken. I didn’t think I could possibly face the drive back. I could have tried to make my way home via quieter back roads, but I knew I had to face this fear and stop feeling impressed with it. I restarted the engine and resolutely drove back the way I’d come. Then, just before the motorway entrance, I lost my nerve again, and pulled over into a service station car park.
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About the author
Courtenay Rule is a trainee Christian Science nurse living and working in Farningham, Kent, England.
