Article October 21, 2013 Issue

Regret or reveal?

Dave Oakes

Have you ever wished you could replay a scene in your life that went badly—perhaps relive an experience and this time get it “right”? I know I have felt this way on occasion. Simply wishing, however, to replay a past experience, doesn’t necessarily lead to its being fixed, and can sometimes lead us down a path of prolonged regret.

This feeling of disappointment over something that has happened or been done can keep us mired in the very thought pattern that created the experience in the first place. How do we look beyond regret to reveal a change in thought that can result in healing? I had a small experience recently that gave me some spiritual insight in how to live beyond regret.

Recently my wife and I were asked to dog sit while the dog’s owners were away for several weeks. We were pleased to do so and tended to the dog’s needs, including feeding time and going for walks. The first morning the dog was with us, I awoke and found that the dog had soiled his crate, the bedding, the floor, the rug. It was a mess. Although my wife and I quickly got to the task and cleaned up the mess, I did it with a less than magnanimous disposition. I was grumpy, annoyed, and put out. After the dog and house were cleaned and things were “back to normal,” I found myself regretting how I had handled the situation. I wished I had been more generous, gracious, and pleasant. I remember thinking to myself: “I wish I could replay that scene and do it with greater magnanimity.” 