Article November 12, 2012 Issue

Self-evaluation: Does it equal self-condemnation?

Aimee Hermanson

It was one of those days. Our town was right in the middle of a relentless heat wave, I was tired and feeling under the weather, my son wasn’t listening to me, the house was in disorder, and the thought of praying seemed like an entirely foreign concept. Impatient with my son, I sent him straight to his nap and picked up my cellphone so I could send a grumbling text message to my husband (no need to keep a bad day to myself when I could spread it around!). But, before I could press “send,” I slowed myself down and could feel that I wasn’t handling this situation the right way.

Examining my thinking, I saw that I was incorrectly viewing my home from a negative, chaotic, and material standpoint. I knew that to bring more harmony to my whole household, it was important for me to turn to God, Spirit, to govern my thinking and my behavior. To settle myself, I sat down and turned on some music—hymns and other songs that celebrate God. 

I soon felt God’s tender, sweet, loving embrace surrounding and comforting me. And then, something funny happened. In my thinking, I shoved that healing presence away. “No!” I thought. I’d been impatient, unkind, and thoughtless that afternoon and didn’t think I deserved God’s love. I felt I deserved rebuke. I gave all of this little thought after that and went on with the activities of my day. 