RELATIONSHIPS July 28, 2003 Issue

About in-laws

By Annette Kreutziger-Herr

ONE OF MY FAVORITE TREATS while I was studying at the University of Bologna in Northern Italy was lingue di suocera a delightfully tender biscuit with a hint of vanilla, half-dipped in dark chocolate. A small bakery on Via Independenza always displayed them on a large baking tray in the window.

As delicious as these biscuits were and still are to me, their name in English translation has a somewhat distasteful ring to it. It means "motherin-law's tongue." This might be taken as a compliment to Italian women's culinary skills, but tends to become a dig at mothers-in-law.

There was a time when I had great difficulties with my own mother-in-law. I liked her in some ways, but felt pushed, watched, and too zealously guided by her. For example, when our first son was born, her experience as a medical nurse took over, conflicting with my desire to raise our son with a stronger emphasis on spiritual care and healing. I felt overwhelmed by her advice, and constantly tried to free myself from her influence but to no avail.